That's the opening line to this month's BBC Kent short story competition. If you feel you can keep it going for another 740 words, there's a chance to win adulation from Kentish media executives, or at least the people who run the website.

BBC Kent short story competition

Can you make 50 words count? London-based writer development scheme Spread the Word is running their fourth annual writing competition Micro Story. Short stories of 50 words are the go, with a top prize of £150 in book tokens. They actually still make book tokens? Wow. Deadline is August 1st.

Micro Story

Maybe it is grim up north, but that attitude likely won't win you the Crocus North West Novel Competition 2005, looking for the best new novel from a North West writer. The prize is £1000 and publication of your work by Crocus Books. It's a local contest for local people, and full details follow after the jump.

I can't promise to really understand what all this is about, but I'm sure you've more patience than me. Australian artist (as in fine artist) Barbara Campbell is running a web-based 'durational performance'. For 1001 nights. Really.

It says here: "Each morning Barbara reads journalists' reports covering events in the Middle East. She selects a prompt word or phrase that leaps from the page with generative potential. She renders the prompt in watercolour and posts it in its new pictorial form on the website. Participants are then invited to write a story using that day's prompt in a submission of up to 1001 words. The writing deadline expires three hours before that night's performance."

The 1001 nights starts 21st June at 9:00pm UK time (that's tonight, people!). In case you're wondering, by my reckoning 1001 nights is 2.7 years. This project needs all the support it can get.

1001 Nights Cast

Apologies for tardiness, this one's closing soon. The British Council is now accepting submissions for their anthology New Writing 14 Writers from, or resident in, the UK and the Commonwealth are encouraged to submit short stories, poetry, literary essays, memoirs, biography and fiction. They say this could be an extract from a work in progress. The deadline for submissions is 30 June 2005, so it's probably only useful if you've got something ready to send.

British Council - New Writing Anthology

Okay, this thing isn't on until October but I promised I'd give Michelle Styles (who we had on last week) that I'd give it a decent plug. It's a writing workshop called Commercial Women's Fiction - Taking your writing to the next level, and one would presume that it does what it says on the tin. The workshop is being run by the Masonic-sounding 'Northumberland Chapter of the Romantic Novelists' Association' and full blurbage follows after the jump.

If you're Birmingham way and have novelist aspirations, then there's a couple of workshops being run by author and scriptwriter Sarah Duncan, who once played one of Rodney's squeezes in Only Fools and Horses. No, I didn't believe it either, but that nugget comes from her own webpage.

The first one, Write a Novel is on June 18th and 'concentrates on the central aspects of plot and character, enabling you to develop your ideas into a blueprint for writing - and finishing - your novel.' The sequel, How to Get Your Novel Published, covers 'how to find an agent or publisher and preparing material - synopses, pitches and covering letters - to send out when your manuscript's ready.'

If you work exceptionally quickly, you might get a kick out of both of them.

Writers' Courses with Sarah Duncan

Now this takes me back. Once upon a time when I lived in the land of rain and curry, I did a stint as TV presenter on a community station created for the annual Bradford Festival. And of course, there are no greater authorities on any subject than TV presenters, so when it comes to the Festival I can tell you it's a fantastic gala event full of fire eaters, jugglers, mimes and other assorted leechers of Arts Council funding that should rightfully be yours. At least it was 13 years ago, but judging by their website the festival has gone from strength to strength.

Slap me, I'm wittering. The point is that the festival also encompasses Bradford '05 The Book Festival, a vertitable cavalcade of writers and that. From John Hegley to Val McDermid to Helen Cross to Barrie Rutter (who used to be in Porridge, don't you know) there are lots of readings and workshoppy things happening. Not least the free Short Story Writing Workshop at Keighley Library. The Book Festival runs from June 20th to July 2nd, with the Writing Workshop on the 28th June.

Chances are, I may see you there. Especially if the Shabina is still there and Tumbler's are doing 20p a pint nights.

Bradford '05 - The Book Festival