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Poetry
cellophane
By no1butClo
30 July 2007

Coming soon: A Better Title.


I walk up to the window, to look out.
It is dark. Pinot in hand, 
I sit into one hip and stare. 

My breath makes eerie noises
on the bottle, I drain it.
As I do I watch my own silhouette

- shadow's sharper cousin,
bastard child of reflection -

picked-out by lamp-light;
then made transparent by the night.
Transparent as the bottle, hanging loose
in the hand at my side.

I toast the window,
and throw the bottle down.
Emptiness echoes across my eyes
and I hit the floor before it.

Reviews
Hi
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 30th July 2007
a very depressive but good write. 
Bernie

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 30th July 2007
I have to echo Bernie. Depressing, but well described.

Written by Faerieanna (25 comments posted) 31st July 2007
I really liked it.  
 
Think it conveys a real sense of emptiness, as does the title which i don't think you need to change... it peeked my curiosity.  
 
Love the description of the silhouette in particular.  
 
Reread the poem several times and will do so again i'm sure. Think it flows beautifully without feeling forced at all. 
 
Hope my comments are useful, I'm new to this! 
 
Anna x

Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 31st July 2007
I like the melancholy feel of this; all darkness, reflection and isolation. Not altogether sure if the last line is physically possible but a memorable read nonetheless. 
 
hm
Resonates
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 31st July 2007
Replete with your usual "film-noir" atmosphere - tense and dark - I liked it. 
 
Oli

Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 31st July 2007
The rhythm really emphasises the dark feel of this poem and helps to create the atmosphere. Enjoyed. 
 
Ben

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