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Poetry
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Thunder Storms
By Faerieanna
31 July 2007

Revised version of my first submission. Have reworked the more cliched lines and am happier with them... would still be glad of any further comments and advice. Thanks.


Isn't it amazing
How suddenly we fall,
The depths of Hell from Heaven
Aren't really far at all.

Isn't it alarming
How fleeting joy can be,
How quickly it can turn to pain
leave us in agony.

Isn't it appalling
How love and hate unite,
How readily our loving lips
Can overflow with spite.

But I can't truly hate you,
Whatever I might say,
Once fades the red of anger
I am left in shades of grey.

A torn and tortured heart unsure
Which way I ought to turn,
Do I protect myself or brave
The love for which I yearn?

There really is no choice
For I'm already in too deep,
I must press ever onwards
even if the way is steep.

Isn't it atrocious
What we put eachother through,
With arguments like thunder storms
We tear ourselves in two.

Isn't it astounding
How soon our storms can pass,
One fierce bellow of thunder
One tremendous lightning flash.

Then comes a burst of rain
That pours not from cloud darkened skies,
A deluge unrestrained
Erupting from my weeping eyes.

And just like that it's over
The ensuing quiet calms,
And we are left recovering
In one another's arms.



Reviews

Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 31st July 2007
And a very good first submission, Annie. I am not that long about here myself. 
 
I like the rhetoric of this and the final admission that no matter how bad the bad times the good times always seem to win out. However, I was unsure if the jauntiness of the rhyme scheme fitted well with the emotional turbulence the poem endeavours to reflect but that is just my opinion. I would also advise you to take a wee look again at some cliches which have crept in ie 'salty tears' 'clap of thunder' as they tend to detract from an otherwise accomplished effort. 
 
Look forward to reading more of yours and welcome. 
 
hm

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 1st August 2007
I'd echo Hutmaster's comments.  
 
A good read and emotions explored well, but the cliches do jump out a little. 
 
Enjoyed. 
 
Phil.

Written by madeupname (18 comments posted) 3rd August 2007
I liked this. Potrayed a bit of an idea of things being slightly out of control which is always the case in relationships but thats what puts us all on a level playing field.
Thanks all!
Written by Faerieanna (25 comments posted) 3rd August 2007
Thanks for your comments. I am encouraged and appreciate the advice. Point taken about the cliches, I will look again at those lines and look for any others that may be a little lazy...  
 
Anna x
Well done
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 26th August 2007
As above but with one little comment: The line "That pours not from cloud darkened skies," was completely out of the rhythm of the rest of your verses. I think you could easily correct this. I think a poem must either have a good rhythm to it or none at all. Liking rhythmic poetry as I do, this jarred me. As for the subject matter: Too true. Some people deliberately look to twist other people's words and read more into things than they should. Perhaps humans would lead a less tempestuous life without words.

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