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It Really Is Like This

By andybyers

02 August 2007

Just me venting on the current Emperor. :)

The President brooded darkly in the Oval Office. Clearly, his erectile dysfunction was going to cost some country dearly. But which one? Needing sage counsel, he summoned the Secretary of Handing Out Billions of Tax Dollars to Defense Contractors to his office. "Who can we blast?" he snarled.

"How about England? They're getting pretty smug about being in tight with us. Maybe it's time for a smackdown in ol' Londontown?" grinned the Secretary.

"Yeah! I like it! It works for me!" squealed the President.

"That's not what I hear," snickered the Secretary.

Luckily, the President didn't get it. "So what's our cover story?"

The Secretary stroked his chin. "That's going to be hard one," he said... then started giggling again.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, sorry..."

The President had an idea, and beamed with pride. "Listen to this: we found out the British have been hiding Hitler since the end of World War II! Huh? Huh? What do you think?"

"Um, well, sir..."

"You don't like it."

"It kind of sucks."

"Yeah. I thought it would."

"Don't feel bad, it was a good try."

"No, I suck at this, everyone's always smarter than me, and better, and funnier, and... and smarter, and—"

"Well, look, sir, we could just do what we usually do..."

"What's that?"

"Bomb the shit out of 'em and come up with a reason afterwards. Besides, there's a lot less arguing that way."

"I like how you think. Keep it up, and you'll have my job someday."

"If you could keep it up, we'd all be out of a job," murmured the Secretary.

The President reached for the phone. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Nothing, Mr. President. Now dial M for murder."

Reviews

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 3rd August 2007

Interesting idea Andy. However, didn't really work for me. I've been sat here trying to figure out why - I think it's because I just didn't find it funny. GWB has been lamponed so often, the gags have to be a little stronger.

Sorry, could just be me.

Phil.

Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 3rd August 2007

Unfortunately world politics has now come up with a leader that makes Bush look an intellectual figurehead. The bad news for us Brits is that leader is Gordon Brown ...

I liked the idea but the humour just didn't work for me. I didn't get the joke at the beginning either.

Sometimes I guess things grate so much we find it hard to write dispassionately - which this feels like.

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 4th August 2007

I did find this funny, but not as much. I guess a lil more meat would help.

Regards,
TT

Written by bluecity (416 comments posted) 5th August 2007

I liked this much more than "Popes Like Bullets". Having read both stories, I have to conclude that you are BIG cynic, about everything. I think this sort of humour (which you employed in both stories) works much better in politics, especially politics in another country, than in religion.

Your title was good. I am always attracted to titles which are dead ordinary. The beginning went straight in too, and the end left us in doubt as to where things were going.

Above all, I'm VERY impressed that anyone can write any sort of fiction in so few words!

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