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Poetry
The Winter Lullaby (formerly The Myth)
By swapnet
03 August 2007
Writing my first English language poetry. Can't find a more suitable title so called it "The Winter Lullaby."

Little children in the corner of the dark street
were talking about it.
Little souls, quivering in bitter cold,
seek definitions to
hunger, misery and despair.

Just from the window above,
a mother murmurs oddly as if
she is putting her child to sleep.
She doesn't sing lullabies to children
don't tell false stories about the princess
because she knows it's a lie.
A damned lie.

Bedtime stories of the rainbows
are gone - stale and obsolete.
But the children need some food,
and some sleep
and where there's nothing to nibble on,
Songs are what they eat.
And the mother has to lie,
another damn lie.

Winter is building up outside
and mothers do nothing but sing another lie.
One of the little boys below
had something in his mind, and put a smile.
He listened to the lady above
with the hope of bright days to come.

A hope that's fuelled by imagination
and worlds that never exist,
A hope that's nurtured in million other hearts,
a hope that's obstinate to the freezing cold,
a hope that lives across.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 4th August 2007
This puts across your idea very well. One or two grammar issues, but nothing a good proof couldn't sort. The rhythm/pulse seemed to fade in and out more than it should have. 
 
Phil

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 4th August 2007
Sorry, meant to congratulate you on your first English poem. Quite an achievement. 
 
Phil.

Written by swapnet (3 comments posted) 4th August 2007
thanks there. :)

Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 5th August 2007
I liked this - "where there's nothing to nibble on, 
Songs are what they eat" is a powerful sentence. I'm sure there are many places where that would sum up the lives of those who live in hope of something better, in a present full of difficulties. 
 
You write well - better than many for whom English is their first language. You write directly, without clich'e, for the most part. I felt your last line could have been more concrete; I didn't quite follow what you meant by "across" there.  
 
But this is good, whether for a first attempt, or a second or third.
Rather sad in subject matter...
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 5th August 2007
Not "great poetry" if we are to judge without making allowances. But a remarkable achievement all things considered. 
 
Oli :)
First try? Second Language?
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 26th August 2007
I wish that I could do so well in Italian (my second language) - but I am afraid I can't. If you were an English writer, I would say that I thought the rhythm in this poem was a little bit out, but as you are not, I will say Congratulations!

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