Golf Report
 
An impartial, unbiased and completely true recounting of the friendly ‘just for laughs' golf game between two teams, evenly matched in skills and experience, that led to the utter defeat and total humiliation of one side by the other (vastly superior) team.
 
The Teams:
Operations -                                                                 
Phillip Louch                                                                 
Michael Ross                                                               
(Hereafter known as the ‘good guys', ‘men in white hats', ‘the victorious few' and ‘all round good eggs')
 
Repair -
Francis Lee
Tony Westcott
(Henceforth referred to as ‘the villains', ‘the desperados', ‘the soundly thrashed' and ‘the roughish two')
 
The Match:
Despite subsequent claims that; ‘the sun was in my eyes', ‘it was raining too hard' and ‘the wind must have blown my ball over there' on behalf of the villains, the day was in fact almost perfect for a round of golf as evidenced by the many people out enjoying the course.  When questioned these people said that they were there to play a round themselves, but this was obviously an excuse for wanting to be involved, albeit only as a spectator, in the titanic golf struggle between the good guys and the roughish two.
 

A hush fell over the crowd as the players approached the first tee.  Traditionally the most difficult moment it was easy conquered by Ross with a solid drive down the fairway.  Lee was up next and by a lucky fluke (never to be repeated for the remainder of the game) he also drove well.  Louch, player two of the good eggs, teed off but alias, at that very moment a small earthquake shook the mound and this, coupled with an old cricket injury, caused his drive to shoot along the ground to the right.  Even under such trying circumstances Louch's skill was obvious in the way that he placed the ball neatly behind a tree so that it would be easy to find.  Last off was Westcott; lacking the natural ability of the men in white hats, he attempted (in an obviously sycophantic manner) to emulate Louch's skilful play and also sent his ball along the ground to the right. This ploy was exposed for what it was when his ball came to rest in completely clear ground.   

 
As any good golfer knows it is the second shot that really shows a man's mettle and so it was that Louch for the good eggs followed up superbly, overcoming great odds to curve his ball around the hazards and clear down the fairway.  Gasps of appreciation and a smattering of applause were heard from the watching crowd and here and there grown men were seen to wipe a tear from their eye.  Westcott took his stance amongst a stony silence; well known for his underhand tactics on behalf of the desperados he was not a crowd favourite.  Westcott swung in his customary powerful yet hilarious manner sending the ball with great force into the only tree for half a mile with such might that it ricocheted over his head and flew backwards eventually coming to rest behind the group of spectators waiting at the first tee.  From the crowd came the shuffling of feet in embarrassment and the gentle sound of giggling.
 
This first hole set the standard for the rest of the game as the victorious few, despite multiple examples of questionable play from the soundly thrashed (including the involvement of course officials in assisting play), went from strength to strength winning hole after hole.  In an attempt to relieve the burden of total failure on the villains the men in white hats even lent their golf equipment and, in a supreme sacrifice unknown since ‘Sophie's Choice' even went so far as ‘throwing' the nearest the hole competition.  Despite such, (dare I say), exemplary sportsmanship the game was ended at the 11^th hole as the desperados ‘suddenly' remembered that they had other things to do.
 
Magnanimous to the end the good guys even bought the drinks afterwards although this was slightly marred by Ross being tricked by the ever-Machiavellian Westcott into drinking a concoction called ‘cider' that was strangely reminiscent of cat's water. 
 
Still despite it all a good day was had and a standing challenge was issued by the victorious few for a rematch.  Alas as yet the soundly thrashed (no doubt licking their wounds and plotting their revenge) have failed to ante up and take the chance to prove themselves as men of honour.