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If they'd understood spin in 1945 |
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By andybyers
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06 August 2007 |
Any of this sound familiar...?
August, 1945
— Speaking on behalf of the War Department, General G.I. Brasshat
admitted today that "ongoing investigations" had revealed that there
had, in fact, been civilian casualties in the recent atomic bombings of
the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The War Department had
been previously denying the allegation as "absurd, unfounded, and
circulated to tarnish the reputation of our forces and thus hamper our
war effort and give aid and comfort to the enemies of freedom".
"We
had anticipated, and had every reason to expect, that there would be no
civilians in the area of what were plain and legitimate military
targets," said the general. "Clearly, the Japanese, who as you know
have absolutely no respect for human life, not even their own, moved
civilians into the target zones to serve as human shields. As a result,
a certain amount of collateral damage occurred in the operation."
Initially vague as to the scope of the "collateral damages", the
general finally allowed that he had "heard there were seven, possibly
eight people injured, with the unfortunate possibility of some loss of
life."
When reminded that Hiroshima and Nagasaki are (or rather,
were) cities, and thus already had thousands of civilians resident
within them, General Brasshat shuffled some papers and said, "In that
case, clearly the Japanese deliberately placed military targets in
civilian zones in order to frustrate our ability to neutralize them.
But I can assure you that the atomic bomb is a weapon of great tactical
precision, and that unintentional effects were kept to a strict minimum
in the pursuit of our military goals."
At this point, the general was sliced in half by an angel with a flaming sword.
Daniel 13:52-59 (Catholic Bible; Protestant Apocrypha)|
Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 6th August 2007 | Just about sums it up. Not sure I understand the relevance of Daniel 13 though. Satirical enough without it.
Cheers
Chris | Now have your past sins come to term:
Written by Phil (6828 comments posted) 6th August 2007 | The internet is a wonderful thing. Daniel:
Now have your past sins come to term:
53
passing unjust sentences, condemning the innocent, and freeing the guilty, although the Lord says, "The innocent and the just you shall not put to death.'
54
Now, then, if you were a witness, tell me under what tree you saw them together."
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2 "Under a mastic tree," he answered. "Your fine lie has cost you your head," said Daniel; "for the angel of God shall receive the sentence from him and split you in two."
Enjoyed this. And so it goes on.
Phil. |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 6th August 2007 | That's about the way the US explains bombing civilians nowadays. I remember how in the Yugoslavia war US bombers hit a bridge just when a train full of passengers was passing over it. I wonder how great the probablity of that is. Yet they explained it away as an accident.
It's a bit strange (although not surprising) that no allied war criminals were convicted after WW2.
A sharp observation of how ridiculous today's "clean wars" are. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3433 comments posted) 7th August 2007 | I think they understood spin ok then they just thought they didn't need to bother.They just blatantly lied. But then spin is just a lie in a fancy box.
A very sharp and biting bit of comment, and horribly credible. You used that same dead pan style and the phrase "collateral damage" still sends a shiver down my back along with the deadly oxymoron "friendly fire" which doesn't hurt as much, I suppose
A nicely judged piece
jane |
Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 19th August 2007 | Horrific ... in so much as I can imagine - indeed, I read of it frequently - just such a spin applied to the horrors of armed conflict.
Judged close to perfection - I perhaps would have omitted the last part, from 'At this point ...' and left well enough alone. I think the ending detracts a little from the power of the piece.
That minor niggle aside, another great piece of work.
Cheers. |
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