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SHANGHAI – In a move that surprised absolutely no one today, a Chinese
court sentenced a drunken nightclub reveler to death for singing “My
Bonnie” slightly off-key during a his turn in a karaoke session. Death
sentences were also handed out to a man who picked his ear with his
keys, a boy who fell down and cried, a woman wearing mismatching dress
and shoes, and an entire village near the Russian border for having too
many fat chicks, in defiance of The Great People’s No-Fat-Chicks
Correctness Principle. The presiding judge then sentenced himself to
death for sentencing so many people to death.
An observer to the
proceedings wondered why so many of his countrymen were being executed
for such trivialities when Chairman Mao, who was responsible for the
lingering and needless deaths of millions upon millions of his own
people as a result of his ill-advised, megalomaniacal, shit-headed
conceits, lived to a ripe old age and is still regarded as a hero of
China instead of an inhuman monster.
He was sentenced to death. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 6th August 2007 | I particularly liked the second paragrpah. Sharp. witty.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 6th August 2007 | I supose you're not in favour of the death penalty as it is applied in China? 
I supose the citizens of the PRC know what's best for their country, and as long as crimes are harsh, the penalties will be harsh. I don't think anyone gets sentenced to death for minor offences over there, but recent news did bring forward a number of cases where I wonder if there is any other suitable punishment.
The cultural revolution has ended decades ago... |
Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 6th August 2007 | Hi, Fledermaus... Well, that's just it, the crimes aren't harsh. What prompted me to write it was the news that a public official guilty of embezzlement was sentenced to death. 5 to 10 I can see... life in a pine box six feet under? That's obscene.
This, from the BBC:
CHINA'S DEATH PENALTY
China is believed to execute more people than rest of the world combined
Non-violent crimes such as tax fraud and embezzlement carry death penalty
Other crimes include murder, rape, robbery and drug offences
China does not publish official figures on executions
Many cases are based on confessions and trials often take less than a day, observers say
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3562 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | Nice bit of work, here.You have a knack for using the ridiculous and surreal to make a sound point and show up the inconsistenies in what China [and other countries too] is doing.
A great piece of satire and it, ironically, provoked one of the most assanine and and dangerously antisocial comments I have ever heard on this site :-
"I supose the citizens of the PRC know what's best for their country"
They are a paranoid oppressive regime, they don't give a flying f**k about their citizens.
A really provocative bit of satire and it seems to have done just that. The right wing never "get" satire
cheers
Jane |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | Hm, OK. Feel I have to react to that...
Embezzlement and fraud might seem rather innocent compared to murder or rape, but what to think of this case:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6703597.stm
And similarly, what penalty should the criminals in this case get?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6752507.stm
I'm glad I'm not the judge who has to decide over these cases...
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Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | There's no logical argument that appeals directly to a gut instinct for revenge. We have to aim higher than that. In saying we respect human life, we oblige ourselves to match our actions to our words. This is why virtually every civilized nation (Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, France, Germany — the entire EU, in fact) has abandoned the death penalty, leaving it to nations we consider unenlightened, reactionary, and demonstrably unconcerned with human rights (China, Iran, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, the United States...). Surrendering to a knee-jerk thirst for vengeance is like indulging any other vice; it tends to feed upon itself. We're seeing that writ large in China, and that's essentially what I was commenting on. So my rebuttal is, effectively, my satirical piece itself.
There's a line in Fiddler On the Roof I've always found sage. One of the Jewish men being driven out of Anatevka urges the others to take “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth!” Tevye turns to him and says, “Very good. That way the whole world is blind and toothless.” Tevye is saying that as rational beings, we can do better. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3562 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | "Blind and toothless", I really like that.
OK maybe I overreacted a bit and I didn't mean to insult Fledermaus . And I won't say too much as Andy has just voiced the arguement so elloquently. But just to add; the other thing I have about the death penalty is that is doesn't work on any level. People don't commit crimes with the expectation of being caught, they plan on getting away with it, so the punishment is irrelavent.It is no deterrent, it just raises the brutality level
Hey-ho
Jane | With apologies to Black Adder and Wm. Sh
Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | "I love you, Jane, and I want to have your babies."
(They embrace.)
 | life sentences vs. the taking of a life
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | I'm probably an old-fashioned reactionary, the type who'd sleep with an easy conscience after firing the fatal bullet/pulling on the appropriate lever/rope if asked to do so 
I don't have a problem with "life sentences" for murder ........ but I question the wisdom of allowing a convicted murderer long life and free medical care for 40 or 50 years at a cost of (currently) c. £4000/week to the law-abiding taxpayer.
After all, if he were to be "grassed up" to other inmates once he'd been banged up in jail, the fact that his lifeless corpse was found in a quiet corner of the exercise yard 24 hours later would be of no importance: after all, he would have SPENT THE REMAINDER OF HIS LIFE in prison, wouldn't he????????????? 
For "murderer" read "child molester" or just about anyone else convisted of a crime involving serious violence.... he who lives by the sword, etc......  | Good piece.
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | As someone who has worked in China on several occasions, dating back to '93 I can tell you it is just as barbaric as you dare imagine. The worst thing is, of the countless poor sods they shoot as point blank range in the back of the head (which is the normal method of execution) there's probably more than half actually innocent.
The nearest cripple or retard usually suffices.
Anyway, enjoyed the read.
Rgds
Givitsum |
Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | but I question the wisdom of allowing a convicted murderer long life and free medical care for 40 or 50 years at a cost of (currently) c. £4000/week to the law-abiding taxpayer.
That figure strikes me as way out of line, so I checked it out. According to NationMaster.com, the current prison population of England and Wales is about 78,000, and they cost an average of £38,000 annually... not every ten weeks.
I can't speak directly for the criminal justice system in the UK, but I can tell you that David Milgaard, Donald Marshall, Guy Paul Morin, among others, were all convicted of murders they didn't commit. Had Canada had capital punishment, they would be dead now, and their blood would be on the hands of a society that claims to put the protection of human life above all other considerations. In 1959, Steven Truscott was convicted of murder and sentenced to hang at the age of 14. His sentence was commuted, and he was released at the end of the 60s. He's been trying to clear his name now for a decade now, and was very likely railroaded. But there were people screaming for his blood in 1959 and they very nearly got it.
I'm almost certain the United Kingdom has its own such stories to tell. As does any country. The difference between ones like ours and ones like the US is we have the opportunity to make amends. A wrongfully hanged man is put in the ground and forgotten; his innocence and his reputation interred with him. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3562 comments posted) 10th August 2007 | When people start to get so concerned about "law-abiding taxpayer" I feel a desperate need to hide under the bed.
They only quote that phrase to try and bolster up a morally bankrupt arguement
The funny thing is most of us have broken some law at one time and if we could avoid paying tax we would. So who are the mythical "law-abiding taxpayers" anyway.
When politians use that phrse they are trying to appeal to the lowest, basest,greediest, nasitiest apects of people as an excuse to rip away some more of our civil rights and liberties
Sorry to go on but its just sticks in my craw
Still,Andy it won't do the review rate any harm [loved teh Blackadder quote ]
Jane |
Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 19th August 2007 | I can't explain my abhorrence of the death penalty as punishment for any crime ... except to say that it smacks of a barbarity we (as supposedly civilised human beings) should have left behind centuries ago. Besides, how do you apologise to a dead person should it come to light at a later date that he/she was in fact innocent?
That's my two cents worth on that subject.
On your work, Andy ... I laughed out loud, again. Bullseye, time after time.
Keep up the very good work!
Cheers. |
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 5th September 2007 | Funny piece Andy.
I would only say that my aversion to the concept of the death penalty is only exceeded by my aversion to tinkering in others' afairs, a la Iraq.
Lets get things right here and forget tyrants in far off lands. We can only effectively influence by example - we cannot set others' moral codes.
Oli |
Written by coosh (922 comments posted) 5th September 2007 | | Excellent - short, sharp, witty and to the point. A little like Russia, China is spawning a sort of free-market Communism, creating an even richer elite and an even poorer lower class. I saw an interview with some mad upper-class Chinese woman the other day, who seemed to believe political prisoners had never existed, other than in the minds of the West. As regards capital punishment, have you heard Moira Anderson singing "Charlie is my darling"?... |
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