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Poetry
Daddy's little Girl
By remoh
07 August 2007


Little Girl:

"I look outside and
I see the sky.

Iam so happy
you may ask me why.

Yes! My Dad is coming
home today.

He is flying  to be
with me day after day.

I look up at the blue sky
once again

Somewhere in the sky
there will be that plane.

I never liked a plane more before...

To impress my Dad I completed all my chores."

Dad:

I was sitting in the plane
thinking about my angel.

Anne was her name
and yes she is my angel.

None of my demons
Existed anymore.

Thanks to my daughter
Now I could breath more.

Suddenly there was a
loud gunfire.

I saw two eyes
 with lots of fire.

There was a masked face
in the plane.

I recognised his eyes
I had caused him pain.

He was holding us
As hostages..

I prayed to God
Like I haven't prayed for ages.

But his eyes found me....

He recognised me........

'It's you... hijacking this plane
was God's will'

'Jacob, I have changed now
Please don't kill.''

'You deserve no mercy
 You deserve no chance'

He pressed the trigger with
His unforgiving hands.

Little Girl:

'I look outside
And I see the sky

Iam so happy
You may ask me  why."

































Reviews

Written by Phil (6681 comments posted) 7th August 2007
I liked how you contrasted the two parts of this - it was a good idea. However, the rhymes sounded forced and over powered the rest of the words. Also, it seemed words were chosen because they rhymed, not because they were the words you'd have chosen otherwise. I'm not much of a poet, so my advice should taken with care. Personally, in a piece like this, I'd forget about rhyme to start with and try to get the tone right first. 
 
Phil

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