With apologies to BrianRobertNeal

No I blame Oscar Wilde

This is apparently faux Spanish for “I don't blame Oscar Wilde”. In English, the sentence would read, “No, I blame Oscar Wilde.”

Spot on George

Apparently, there is a spot on George; of exactly what nature (ink, paint, freckle, cancerous) is not disclosed. If the sentence were meant to construe that George had gotten something completely right, it would have read, “Spot on, George.”

Anymore talk like that Friggy and you’ll not be spanked tonight.

Someone seems to be imitating Friggy. If this were actually addressed to someone named Friggy, it would read, “Anymore talk like that, Friggy, and you’ll not be spanked tonight.”

Smutty isn’t that Sooty’s Afro-Caribbean friend.

Smutty is disqualified from being the friend of Sooty. If Smutty were Sooty's friend, the sentence would require not a comma, but actually a semi-colon (or even a question mark): “Smutty; isn’t that Sooty’s Afro-Caribbean friend?” or “Smutty? Isn’t that Sooty’s Afro-Caribbean friend?”

Come on Nige gives us a song.

Someone is being commanded to ejaculate on a person named “Nige gives us a song”. A request for Nigel to sing would be, “Come on, Nige, give us a song.”

So come on husbands

People should, it would seem, ejaculate on husbands. Wouldn't the wives object?

So if there’s no football on the telly well you might as well pleasure the wife.

Whatever a “telly well” is, if there's no football on it, pleasuring the wife is indicated. If there's no soccer on television, however, the sentence would be, “So if there’s no football on the telly, well, you might as well pleasure the wife.” This is because “well” is an interjection and is due to be separated by commas from the rest of the sentence.