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Poetry


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Here Comes the Fear

By NED1378

10 August 2007

great expectations

Scared that I won’t be the best
Scared of laughter from all the rest
Scared of the high standards set
Scared that voice won’t let me forget
Scared of little things like snakes and planes
Scared I drink to mask the pain
Scared I can’t love her as she deserves
Scared she’ll see I’m a bag of nerves
Scared I won’t live before I die
I lie awake, too scared to cry

Reviews

Written by andybyers (176 comments posted) 10th August 2007

I'm not sure it quite works. You can get away with ignoring a rhythmic structure in free verse, but you've committed yourself to a rhyming scheme and that pretty much obliges you to adhere to a rhythm; a higher calling and harder to do.

The natural rhythm of this piece seems to be eight beats per line (seven spoken and a rest on the last beat). You have this in the first two lines (if you remove the superfluous "all" from the second line). I think this piece could be improved if you make a virtue of necessity and let the constraints of the verse structure spur you on to tight, spare language. Some rhymes may have to fall for being too unwieldy, but that's the nature of the craft.

My 2¢... which is roughly 1p these days, isn't it?

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