Give it time.....
Hundreds of people are heading to the skies each weekend as a loophole in the 3 year old fox hunting law permits airborne hunting.
Providing it is above 2000 feet, in international air space, people wishing to engage in this 'sport' can do so free from the fear of prosecution.
The new craze for airborne hunting sees a fox thrown from the plane, followed by the dogs and then the hunters still mounted on their horses, dressed in their traditional garb.
"
These foxes are vermin, don't you know? And one is ready to step forward and do one's bit for environment and clean up the skies of these menaces"
Said the Duke of Edinburgh, chairman of the Aviated hunt association of England, or AHSE.
When asked where the idea came from he said;
"
One was having a lovely dream about badger baiting and hare coursing, as one does, and then all of a sudden one was falling somewhere over Dudley, surrounded by foxes who were laughing and pointing at one. Liz said it was the all that Absinthe from the night before, but one knew better. One is Greek you know?"
The 'sport' has excited a lot criticism from residents around the Dudley area as well as animal welfare groups nationwide.
"
Awwriite, oi reelly dawnt naw wha woz goin on at furst" said Dezzie Monroe from Dudley "
All this shite that falls daun on us from doze 'unts is causing an envaromaa...an enviromoo...a blummin' mess! And the noise from those brummin' planes, is puttin' me off me chicken curroi"
The west midlands police authority have applied for a special grant to purchase anti-aircraft guns and ground to air missile launchers.
The chief constable was reported as saying that he will personally blow anyone out of the sky, who tries to fox hunt under the 2000 feet.
"
These damn proles don't know whats good for them" said the Duke of Edinburgh in reply to Mr Monroe's comments
"What will these miserable curs want next? Maybe they would want us to put parachutes on the dogs and the horses! Ridiculous. One's wife can have you all killed you know?"
|
Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 19th August 2007 |
Surreal, nuts, Python-esque perhaps. A darn good laugh! I could imagine Messrs Chapman and Palin making a very funny sketch from this piece.
Good work.
Cheers |
Re The Magnificent stalkers in their fly
Written by Malco (3 comments posted) 20th August 2007 |
Take the following tongue in cheek
I would like to pont out the following with regards to the above named and well written piece. The comments will follow the suthors paragraph outlines.
Para 1 Hundreds of.....airborne hunting
This loophole has existed for a number of years, as I recall it was first exploited by persons engaging in airborne dog-fights as early as 1917. In fact as I recall from my history lessons there were international dog fights organised between French, German and British exponents, from that time. It was also practiced quite widely between 1939 and 1945.
Para 2 Provided it is..........of prosecution
This I am afraid is totally out of date not only for the reason outlined in Para 1 above but also because of the Common Market decree recently signed. It should also be pointed out that as this proposed new hunting form is international and since Her Majesties Government are signatories to most scripts issued by the Common Market Commission the height you quote 2000ft should be written in metric form. Note also that during earlier dog fights the participants were known to engage in their sport at much lower altitudes than the altitudes you are proposing.
In Para 3 The new craze....traditional garb.
Representations were made I understand to the RSPCA as to whether it was sporting to throw foxes etc from an aircraft. The opinion reached was that it was not. Instead it was decided by a majority of seventeen to two that the fox should be attached to one end of a long rope. The other end of the rope should be tied to the lead hunting dog. The dog would see the fox, give chase and all would jump without pressure or coercion out of the plane. As far as the huntsmen and their steeds are concerned that matter was left in abeyance, it is a matter to be considered by a special committee at a meeting of the Human Rights Commission the date of which is yet to be decided. It is unlikelt to take place before the next blue moon.
Paras 4, 5 and 6.
One cannot, or at least one should not criticise the spokesperson in question.
Para 7 The 'sport'......groups nationwide.
The use of the word sport is perhaps presumptive bearing in mind the official definition of sport as amended by the EEC recently. Perhaps minority social interest might better describe the activity.
Para 8
Presumably this is a quotation which I personally do not think is in an EEC recognised format. Or perhaps it is in one of a number of local minority tongues. To have it EEC recognised application should be made through the speakers of the languages local euro MP.
Para 9 The west midlands.....missile launchers.
The point has already been made re the metrication of the distance. Also it should be pointed out that though the said police authority might have applied for funds to purchase anti aircraft guns and ground to air missiles the application was referred we understand to the Home Office for ratification. The matter remains in abeyance but is under consideration. A decision is expected sometime before 2025
Para 10 The chief constable......under the 2000 feet.
We understand that the chief constable might have been mis-quoted or mis-understood. The chief constable is not authorised to use such weapons because he is:-
a) not qualified because he has not attended a course recognised by the EEC secretary of defence (Herr Wattalotatwaddle) to handle use or to fire the aforementioned classes of weaponry.
b) he wears contact lenses
Under the end user agreement with the manufacture of the said weaponry (this is a standard condition imposed by all legitimate weapons maufacturers) persons other than, Quote 'persons with natural 20/20 vision are not allowed to use, fire or supervise the use of the said weaponry'
Again the point about the 2000ft being expressed in metric comes into question.
Para 11 See comments previously made reference the spokesperson.
End
ps I hope the writer takes this the way it was intended
|
Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 23rd August 2007 |
Good fun, an enjoyable piece of surreal nonsense. Liked the accents.
Ben |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
