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Shorts
Don't Eat Rabbits
By remoh
15 August 2007


                      Don’t Eat Rabbits

John and Mary were spending a Sunday afternoon quietly in their apartment when suddenly a thought crossed John’s mind.

 
Honey, I think we should have meat for dinner.” John told his wife. 

“Good idea. I will call the shop straight away.”
 

“No don’t do that. Let’s take a walk. We could use the fresh air.”
 

“Sure
, So a hen, right?” Mary asked John with an obvious tone in her voice.

 
“I was thinking… maybe duck…?”

 
“Good” Mary started off to get her coat.

“Or may be a rabbit…”

 
“A rabbit…?! Are you serious?” She paused.

 
“Yes… I have heard that a rabbit is delicious…"

“How could you… John, how could you even think about eating a rabbit…?” Mary looked really upset. John was now confused. 

“What is wrong with eating a rabbit? I have heard it is tastier than most of the meat”
 

“Men!!! Everything for you is just taste! Have you ever taken some time to observe a rabbit’s eye…?”

 
“No I haven’t…and if there is something wrong with a rabbit’s eye then we won’t eat the eye … But I am positive that there is nothing wrong with the meat of a rabbit…!”

 
“What? I am talking about the innocence which is enriched in a rabbit’s eye… It’s so cute and cuddly … How can you think about hurting a creature so beautiful…?”Mary was trembling. John saw that her eyes were welling up. But the poor man couldn’t entirely understand the seriousness of the situation. 

“Wolfs and Lions eat rabbits all the time!” 
 

“You are not a beast! Are you John?”
 

“I… Well…”
 

“I can’t believe you find it hard to answer that question…!”
 

John decided to present his argument.

 
“So you think it’s ok to eat hens and ducks but not rabbits. That is hypocritical Mary!” 

“Well that’s because….”
  Now Mary was finding it hard to answer that question. 

“I will answer that for you…because rabbits are cuter, right?…That is such a shallow attitude…!”
 

“I am not shallow… Hens and ducks are birds… So…”
 

“So what…? You are sounding a little bit stupid if you ask me… Mary if you are a vegetarian then you can tell me ‘Don’t Eat Rabbits’! If you stop eating meat and then you can give me a lecture. And even if you are a vegetarian  plants are also living things. In general…”
 

Mary wasn’t listening to John’s scientific explanations. She was stuck on something which John said.

 
“So you think I am stupid…?”

 
“What?”

 
“You think I am stupid, hypocritical and shallow. Is that it?” 

“That’s not the point”
 

“Then what is the point…? If you think I am an idiot then why did you marry me?”
 

“I don’t know… And I didn’t call you an idiot… Don’t be a liar Mary…!”
             

                         
*******************************************
          

                   
Seven months later John found himself standing in front of his brother Jacob. Jacob was wearing a tux and John was helping him with his tie.
Jacob was getting married in just an hour. 

“So any marital advice?”
 

“You are asking for advice from a divorcee?”
 

“Well…You are experienced…”
 

“And I do know what not to do, right?”

 
“Right.”  Both of them smiled.

“Ok then, Here goes. Be faithful. Be honest. Respect her. Never act superior around her even if you think you are superior. And of course the most important one;  ‘DON’T EAT RABBITS’.
             

Reviews

Written by Truce (29 comments posted) 15th August 2007
I like this, the dialogue carries the whole thing nicely, it's almost suited to a script. Liked the character Mary because her argument and tone is almost exactley like my sister's. Enjoyed this. 
 
Hi Remoh
Written by gshelme (152 comments posted) 16th August 2007
I enjoyed this, the womans reaction was spot on, it flowed well, building up to the punch line. It was a bit obvious but still enjoyable.Well written. 
 
Gill :)
hello
Written by wyld_card (30 comments posted) 16th August 2007
Well written and funny. I enjoyed this loads :grin  
 
WC

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 16th August 2007
A cute little piece with some cracking interplay between the characters. There was so much dialogue you could almost have scripted it. I think it would have been funnier. The womans' responses were the funniest. You could see the end gag coming but that was all right. 
The dialogue was the strong point for me 
cheers 
Jane 

Written by Fledermaus (3248 comments posted) 16th August 2007
Well, from a logical point of view he is right of course... Cows, pigs, chickens, ducks = food 
dogs, cats, rabits, horses = pets 
Hypocritical indeed, but... 
 
On the other hand, I can very well understand her sentiment, and I would probably not eat those I just labeled pets either... Yes... I guess I'm a hypocrit too. 
 
Nice piece ;)

Written by jimbo (83 comments posted) 19th August 2007
Yeah, the punchline was a little weak but everything else was well written and funny. Pointing out the hypocrisy in Mary's argument was well handled but struck a nerve for me personally ... I won't eat potatoes because of the innocence enriched in their eyes. 
Sorry. :grin  
Again, well written, amusing and well observed, too. 
Cheers.

Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 20th August 2007
I knew I had seen your name somewhere. This is really good. The pacing of the dialogue is spot on, the end a little twee but I didn't mind. The interaction of the conversation is what really fires this. Everything happens at just the right moment. 
 
Good stuff.

Written by Seagull (174 comments posted) 28th August 2007
Good stuff but I feel, as Truce and Jane mentioned, it would have been better scripted. The ending was telegraphed but it was still well written.  
 
Cheers 
 
Chris
Chicken dinner
Written by ianhobsonuk (160 comments posted) 10th December 2007
For someone whose first language is not English (I hope I’m right about that) not a bad little story, except for the beginning: Okay, we buy dead hens and eat them, but we don’t call them hens, we call them chickens. And usually (in the UK) that increasingly rare breed of people who cook themselves a meal on a Sunday, would have the menu figured out, and the shopping done, at least a day in advance. That just leaves wolfs (wolves) and ‘the innocence which is enriched in a rabbit’s eye’. Did you mean to say enriched? 
 
Am I harsh or helpful? The latter, I hope. 
 
Ian 
Guiseley, UK 

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