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Come hell or high water
By Storywriter1987
18 August 2007
Hi Guys,

I have been away for quite a while. And things have happened. But now i am back and have a new story. Hope you like it! Please Read and Review no matter what you think.

Thanks and its great to be back!

Clare. xx


“I follow the night, can't stand the light. When will I begin to live again? One day I'll fly away. Leave all this to yesterday. What more could your Love do for me? When will Love be through with me? Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends. One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends. One day I'll fly away. Fly, fly away.”
 

“That’s great Elizabeth, well done. Right, One more song and then we’ll see how you think its going ok?”
 

“Ok. Thanks for helping me out so much with all of this I really appreciate this. I can’t wait for it to come out in the shops. As then I know that people can hear my voice whenever they want. And it might even help some of them too. You never know. Do you?”
 

They all shook their heads. You never know. Story of my life really; ah well, easy come, easy go. Life hadn’t always been this good for me. Oh no. I’d come through so much already but my life was about to get worse – a whole lot worse. First I’ll fill you in on the background of my story so far. All the troubles I had been through. And all my statistics…
 

First Name(s): Elizabeth Victoria                               Surname: Shanks
Date of Birth:               DD: 13                MM: 11               YYYY: 1977               Age: 29Marital status: Living with someone. My partner.     Spouses name (if applicable): Richard James Shaw   D.o.B: 03/10/1970      Age: 36 

I have asthma, bad shoulders and bad wrist. And other things that no one knows about.
 

I had had a rough time at school and missed out on some GCSE’s but I re-sat them 2 years ago and now im at college. Music College. I have a great life now. Great partner and we had a great daughter. Had, but you’ll find out more about that later as we move along.
 

Now my friends have clubbed together and got me a session in a proper recording studio to do a Demo CD. Session almost over and 12 songs recoded. Next thing I needed was the last track then I had to choose the ones that went on the actual CD and the others would go on my personal one.
 

2 hours later and everything was done and I was off home back to Richard. Back to our 3 bed roomed house. Central London. And today was our anniversary. We had been together 5 years now, since I was 14. Childhood sweethearts. When I got back he wasn’t there and so I went up to the bedroom that we had used for Jasmine. Our daughter. She was our daughter, she will always been our daughter. Even if she wasn’t with us anymore. She was only 4 when she was cruelly taken from us. We tried all we could but it obviously wasn’t to be and I had blamed myself for not being able to help her. I still feel its my fault and the passed 5 years ago. I was only 20 at the time but still she was wanted and loved, by me and Richard.

Reviews

Written by Truce (29 comments posted) 18th August 2007
Not a bad idea, but i felt it was kind of rushed. I don't really get a feel for the main character. You may want to watch your tenses and the sentence order in the last paragraph. Could do with work, but not a bad start.

Written by bluecity (432 comments posted) 28th August 2007
This is a good idea and obviously this is very much a first draft. 
 
Your beginning was good, although your ending just faded out. 
 
The database printout of her name, dob etc was an interesting idea but I think you are saying too much at once. Maybe we should get to know Elizabeth and who she is before we are told about her living arrangements and her life story.  
 
Also, I got a bit confused as to time. Elizabeth and Richard had been together for 5 years, starting when she was 14, yet their daughter had passed away 5 years ago (when she was 20).  
 
Keep working on it. 
 

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