WAVE GOODBYE

Glen said to me, Charlie could you look after my house, the Old Girl is going to keep an eye on Rose's house. In fact Rose is over the Old Girls now.

I replied, No problem, when are you going.

Glen answered; we're away for 2 weeks over Xmas and New Year.

Glen is my next-door neighbour, Rose lives with him.

Rose owns the house across the road from Glen. Her daughter, Hy and her husband Bernard live in Rose's house with their 3 kids. There are 2 boys, Cheeky and Smiley and a girl-Polly.

The Old Girl lives next door to Rose's house and her house is opposite mine.
 
We're like a family. The wife and me have got no kids, we are only children and our parents are dead. The Old Girl has got family but they can't be bothered with her. Rose won't discuss her family, and has nothing to do with them.

I don't know if Rose was ever married and she has only had one kid. She never mentions Hy's father.

Bernard is a Barnado's boy. Glen is like a dad to him and he calls the missus and me Uncle and Aunty, as do the kiddies.

We all call the Old Girl Gran. We're like bits of a jigsaw puzzle and we  fit together nicely. The missus and Rose are as thick as thieves and Glen and me are like brothers.

Why do I keep saying is, are, has, when I should say was, had been, but I can't get my head round it.
 

I borrowed a Mini-Bus from work to take them down the airport. The old girl and the missus were coming with me to see them off. Just before we'd gone to the airport, they'd given us their Xmas presents, which Cheeky made us open.

The 3 kids had bought me a bottle of "Old Farts" Red wine. The 2 boys giggled but Polly had said its just a little joke Uncle Charlie, it was Smiley's idea. Bernard and Hy had given me a bottle of Rum.

The Old Girl who knows and likes her drink said to me afterwards, that Rum is about twenty-five quid a bottle. However they said that we were to keep our presents to them until they came back and then we could have a second Xmas.

It was a bit tearful at the Airport; Bernard came up to me and gave a big hug. He nearly crushed me ribs.

He said; make sure that on Xmas day you toast us with that Rum I gave you.

I told him I would not touch it till they were all back safe and sound.

Then they went off into the terminal and that was that. We were all very quiet on the way back home; I dropped the women off then went back to work to return the mini-bus and pick my car up.

It was a very quiet Xmas, just me, the missus and the Old Girl. We don't watch TV at Xmas we sit around drink, play card and board games and chat. However on Bank Holiday Monday the Old Girl wanted to watch this programme.

So whilst the wife and I washed up, she went into the lounge and put the Telly on. All of a sudden she's shouting like a mad woman.

Run sod you run, for god's sake just run, please, please just run.

I looked at the wife, we ran into the lounge. The old girl was hysterical; she just jabbered and pointed at the Telly. I told the wife to take her in the kitchen and give her a whisky.

When the women had gone to the kitchen, I got the DVD to play back the last 10 minutes of what the Old Girl had been watching.

There'd been this disaster. They showed some film taken by a holidaymaker. Bugger me there they were. It was Bernard who caught my eye. You can hardly miss him; he's six foot seven, built like a brick out house and as black as the ace of spades.

There was Glen stood behind him looking like a pink pot bellied beanpole, Rose was by the side of Glen and Hy was stood on her own. The 3 kids were splashing water at each other.

I slowed it down. They were all paddling. Then the sea disappeared. I put it on fast forward all of a sudden Bernard is shouting.

He's picked up Polly and he is running, Glen has got Smiley and Hy has grabbed Cheeky and their all running back to the promenade.

Rose is just stood there. That must have been when the old girl had started shouting.

Then they were hit by this bloody great wave, they didn't stand an earthly. I put the Telly off.

I went into the kitchen and gave my self a big rum. But not out of Bernie's bottle.

The wife says what's going on. I poured her a huge Gin and said I think that Glen and Rose and all of them have been drowned. The wife went into the Lounge and must have put the telly on and done a playback. She came back into the kitchen, sat down and stared.

The Old Girl had quietened down and was knocking back the whisky. I couldn't drink my rum.

I said I'm going to Glen's house cos he's left his sons' numbers by the phone. I better give them a ring to make sure that they know what's gone on.

So that's where I'm going.

Supposing they don't know: what am I going to say, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year oh and by the way your father's just drowned.

No I'll pretend that there is something wrong in the house, then if they say nothing I'll say nothing. I feel bad enough and they're not really mine.

So what must it be like if they were yours?