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Poetry


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Caught in the Silver

By audrie

22 August 2007

This reads more like a song lyric, I know!

I'm caught in the silver threads of endless time,
Held fast like a fly in a spider's web
Yet the more I struggle to break free,
The more time wraps its silver threads around me.

I'm caught in the silver spin of gravity,
Ever and always onward I must go
And the more I battle to get back,
The more I'm stretched upon that painful rack.

Time and gravity won't let me go,
Won't let me stop the tick and the tock,
Won't let me turn the hands of the clock,
Won't take me back to you a year ago.

I'm caught in the silver tears of dark despair,
Just drowning in that sea of hopeless blues
But the more I strike out to reach land,
The more I'm washed away from that safe strand.

I'm caught in the silver memory of our love,
When earth and sky were lit with passion's glow
Yet the deeper the longing to forget,
The more I know I'm still caught in your net.

Time and gravity won't let me go,
Won't let me stop the tick and the tock
Won't let me turn the hands of the clock,
Won't take me back to you a year ago.

I'm caught in the silver hope of 'time that heals',
I know the day will come when I'll be free
And though it was silver that I loved of old,
I hope next time that I'll be striking gold!

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3562 comments posted) 22nd August 2007

Very few song lyrics stand up on their own,they need the music to power them along so we don't notice that they seldom say anything new or really profound.
As lyrics they are perfectly acceptable but as stand alone poetry they don't really register
cheers
jane

Hi, bbs
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 23rd August 2007

Yes, I can hear the music but you can't, so I do get your point.
It does seem to me that a lot of what passes for poetry today, is really just prose chopped up into sections, without any rhyme or rhythm to it. I do like a certain amount of rhythm to a poem, after all a poem is defined as:
'imaginative piece of writing in rhythmic lines'.

Poetry has never been my strong point, I'm better at short stories!

Bye, audrie

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3562 comments posted) 24th August 2007

"Poetry has never been my strong point, I'm better at short stories!"
Me, too which is why I don't write any. I tend to side with you on poetry structure. I prefer the kind that rhymes and scans. It needs to have something to mark it out from prose. Otherwise as one critic once said "Blank verse is like playing tennis with the net down" I know what he means.
Your song lyrics have the same problem as dramatic scripts I write, they need to be performed rather than read. Yours read fine but needed the drama of the music. I'll look out for your stories. I prefer them anyway
Jane

"Caught in the silver threads of endles
Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 24th August 2007

Hi Audrie: I'm the thickest one on this website for sure - but I didn't quite understand what you meant by this because we are surely moving forwards in time. You cannot move forward if you are caught as in a spider's web. Then in the next verse you say "ever and onward I must go" - which to me also indicates movement. I'm sure I've not understood your poem. Please explain in words simple. ha ha

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