The annual city performance league tables have once again demonstrated what a powerhouse of financial acumen the modern British economy is. The FTSE 100 directors are once again leading the charge for top pay and reward by trampling on their underlings in a truly efficient business environment.
Felix Felix, CEO of Adipose Cats International, defended these latest round of inflation busting wage rises.
"If UK directors do not make obscenely large amounts of money for five days solid work then UK PLC risks trying to emulate the absolutely gross example of Premiership football players who only work for one and a half hours a week. Responsible CEOs and fellow directors are clearly the right role models for our McJob workers, we work a full week and get a fair years salary for it. If any worker thinks they deserve a similar salary then they only have to join the right golf club and defraud the Inland Revenue, its a free country for anyone who can sell it."
The Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, praised their financial prudence in holding their workers pay rises to under 4%, but stressed that to achieve parity with China they should squeeze these over generous and inflationary wage deals to less than 1%, and preferably -2%.