Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Jack and Jill and him and her and them and you and me.
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1311 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
Jack and Jill and him and her and them and you and me.
By josibug
30 August 2007
thinking maybe of changing the title...... that's it. read, please.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With nothing much to alter
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And left Jill with the water.
Ten years later, here I am
Wond'ring what to ask her
Finding things I thought I knew
And waiting to unmask her.
Jack moaned and Jack groaned
While Jill got out the paper.
Jill's address still in his head
He said he'd see her later.
Jill was only seventeen,
She didn't want a master.
She was only three weeks old
Yet innocence had passed her.
I wish I'd known you years ago
When you were so much stronger.
Monopoly is just a game
And rules just make it longer.
Jack went uphill all alone
Wond'ring what to make her.
Jack ignored the dancing girls,
He wanted just to take her.
Jill was left in London town,
Daddy's darling daughter,
Crying tears of silent joy.
Vodka bottles and water.
No-one ever asked me why
My chest is feeling tighter.
I was tucked up in my bed
Dreaming of a fighter.
You were standing right outside
Hands no longer together.
You were waiting by my bed
For the end of forever.
You were wond'ring, so am I,
Wond'ring how to ask her,
Scared of what response I'll get
Not wanting to unmask her.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
With history I can't alter.
Jack went this way, Jill went right
And left me with the water.

Reviews

Written by Sinnerman_Pfank (17 comments posted) 1st September 2007
 
Like this alot. structure is unusual and has a slightly "haunting" feel to it. Well done. 
 
Agree about the title, though (reminds me of "snooker loopy" by Chas N Dave!) 
 
S.P

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item