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By Faerieanna
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01 September 2007 |
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Can't believe
My world has become
So small,
So empty,
So isolated,
So much about being alone.
Can't believe
I could be the same person
That made those choices,
Decisions
That got me here.
I should have been condemned.
In fact,
I have been.
I deserve
To be alone.
Divine retribution,
Justice.
My sentence:
Loneliness. |
So sad
Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 1st September 2007 | | Your poem really hits with its words, and I'm sure that you are not the only one who has woken up feeling isolated. And the sad fact is that in the busiest place on earth, that's where you find the loneliest. I hope you don't feel like this after a relationship-end. Make good friends in all age groups and with many different people. It's times like this when good friends can help you through. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 1st September 2007 | Simple, but the words deliver the message effectively.
Phil. |
Written by Sinnerman_Pfank (17 comments posted) 1st September 2007 |
Power here to me, comes from using just a few words to mimic the feeling of isolation. Not even words for comapnionship(?)
S.P |
Written by William87 (30 comments posted) 2nd September 2007 | I know exactly how you feel.
I can relate to this poem, I liked it. | Yes, it is something I know quite well.
Written by solst (34 comments posted) 17th August 2008 |
TITLE - I think loneliness as a title is a little uncreative, but it fits the poem perfectly. It is after all an impression.
BEGINNING - "Can't believe my world has become so small.."
This does hook the reader. It kind of contracts us, squeezes us into your uncomfortable space.
VOICE/VIEWPOINT - It obviously has a sombre quality to it, but it certainly induces a familiar feeling in me. A kind of wretchedness - a despairing anxiety, if you like. The repetition of the word So (Alliteration I believe) drums the words small, empty, isolated into our minds very skilfully. All helping that feeling along. I wonder though if the last So is kind of neutralized by the run on, which felt rhythmically unnatural.
"...much about being alone..."
I think maybe So Alone would really get us in. It's not too obvious in my opinion, either.
EMOTION - The narrator is clearly in turmoil, regretful, and self condemning, so one can't help but to imagine their own sins against such an internal consciousness trying to justify reality. It does come across well because of the structure. It's very punchy.
The ending was kind of like a foregone conclusion. Embedded in the unspoken idea that loneliness is a punishment, the reader cannot easily avoid considering a whole array of connotations stemming from personal mistakes. Did I do something to deserve loneliness? I awakens a consciousness in the reader that is a little frightening.
I hope I have given a useful review. I is difficult to review Poetry.
STORYLINE/PLOT - Is it evident? Is there a beginning,middle,end? Interesting/ original?
THEME - What's the underlying meaning of the story? Was it evident? Understandable?
ENDING - Are loose ends tied up? Are you let down? Was it expected/original? |
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