This is something I wrote a few days after I wrote the first text. And these two depend on each other so please read the first one first ( Delirious Andy that is ), if you haven't already.
Basically, This is the Prose Andy writes the day after. This text differs a bit from the first though. I'd say it has more dialogue and more humour in it. I still touch the same subject as I did before, about writing and all that, but not as much as in the first text.
I've run this text in MS word for spelling errors and it should be at least readable now.
There'll be some words or punctuations that might be a bit off, you're welcome to note them if you want.
Also, this is alot shorter than the first text.
As always constructive reviews are very welcome. There are some words that I'm a bit insecure about, such as " fetus position" is it one word, or two separate words?
That about wraps up my intro. As always I enjoyed writing this aswell. Is the text good or bad? who knows, but I've still got the same writing flow I had when I wrote the first Delirious Andy.
/Kind Regards, William.
p.s. Maybe the thing I'm most worried about is that the jokes don't work. Trying to be funny, and failing at it, that's really a nightmare for me.
Delirious Andy - Decision Undone
"Dear Folks
Yesterday I wrote, in Daily Prose, that I was thinking of quitting writing. It wasn't those exact words in text, but that was what was going through my mind.
I call this days Prose "Decision Undone" because that's what I've done, I decided to take back my doubts about myself that I wrote about in yesterdays prose and decided, last night, to keep writing.
I didn't get convinced by myself though, that'd be almost impossible, this, was in my mind, even a more pathetically way to get convinced, at least that’s what I think. Anyway,
I called my mother last night, to tell her that I, "sadly" was giving up writing. My relationship I have with my mother, is not the best, it's more likely to be the worst. She answered "Andy, if you give up writing, you'd be giving up the only good you’ve done through your entire life!" Coming from my mother, to hear her say this, would've been the best day in my life, but it wasn't, I immediately hung up the phone. Of course I realised she was right.
Later that night, lying in my bed, I thought "I’m not as pathetic as I thought, I just realised something that some writers may have missed!" In joy I exit my fetus position and began singing "Cause he's a jolly good fellow", now I'm not sure if this is relevant or not but my point is at that time I realised another thing, Good can be something above quality. Something can be really bad but in another way be really good. This may sound logic or absolutely crazy, hopefully I'm not crazy.
Let’s say you love to write, but it's actually very bad, but for you it's what keeps you going, you love writing, it makes you happy, it makes you laugh. This is better than good, personal gain is great, if you can do something through your whole life and feel good about it, I'd say it's even better than writing one masterpiece and nothing more."
A series of knockings hits Andy's door
- Andy?
- Yes Jim?
- Would you please let a kind little manager like me inside? Something is holding the door back.
- Oh, I don't know Jim.
- Andy, do you know what I’m looking at right now?
- No, Jim?
- My newly shined boot Andy, you wouldn't want this shoved up somewhere?
Andy instantly removes the drawer blocking the door
Jim enters, smilingly showing off his newly polished teeth, blindingly bright
- Oh, the prose is done I see? Right on time!
- Indeed it is Jim, here you go, oh wait! I just have to add something.
"Of course I might just be saying all this cause I’m desperate, desperate to hold on to something. Sometimes even desperate is good isn't it?
That's all for today folks.
Andy, New York's Daily Prose."
- Ok Jim, here you go.
- Thanks Andy! Oh, "Decision undone", Sounds serious Andy!
- Don't you have a dentist commercial to be at, Jim?
Jim exits laughing
/The End
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Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 2nd September 2007 | Spelling much improved - MS Word did the trick. Punctuation still a bit off.
The comments I made yesterday about the achievement of writing in a foreign language still stand.
Humour is a very personal thing - and people will react in different ways. Unfortunately, the humour didn't come through for me. As the piece relies quite heavily on humour I came away feeling a little flat.
Other readers will hopefully appreciate the humour more - as I say - it's a very personal thing. I still split my sides watching Laurel and Hardy - go figure.
Phil |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3562 comments posted) 2nd September 2007 | William, I didn't mean to insult your writing with my comment. It was meant as a lighthearted response to your piece which was also humourous. But the point is still valid, writing is not a very interesting activity and agnosing about it even more so; of course the likes of Woody Allen manage it by playing up the humour. I think you need to give your character an attitude, or agenda and the humour can spring from that. I'll say more in a PM in answer to yours. I also think you may be struggling to get the humour across in another language
Will PM soon
Jane | A response to my comments
Written by William87 (30 comments posted) 2nd September 2007 | First off, thanks again for reading and reviewing. I must admit this is my actual attempt to try on this humour, and maybe it's not my style, if the jokes doesn't work. But as you said Phil, Humour is a very personal thing.
In response to Jane.
I didn't feel insulted at all about that Poo thing, I knew you didn't mean that my text was that crappy.
And I know what you think about writing about writing or agonising about it. And I do agree. This text was written before your comments though or before I even put the Andy text's on this website. I do have plans on writing more Andy Delirious but now I feel I might have to learn a few more things first.
I look forward to your PM as I'd really like to dig deeper on Andy and give him an agenda, like you said. I'm not sure if I'm struggling to get the humour across in another language though.
Anyway, thanks for reading & reviewing, and to anyone else feel free to comment on anything you feel is neaded. Any tips are always welcome.
/Kind Regards, William | Hi William
Written by jean.day (2364 comments posted) 2nd September 2007 | I've now read all three of the things you have posted,and I was going to comment on the third one, but it seems to have disappeared temporarily.
I wanted to tell you that it was the third one I liked best, and specifically I liked the monologue part. The play bit that came later was a bit confusing for me to understand.
I certainly give you full credit for writing in a foreign language - and the mistakes you make are very understandable. You talked about the fetus position. We would say fetal position. I liked the bit where you talked about Andy calling his mother, and then him being offended by what she said, but in the end thinking maybe she was right - even if she wasn't very tactful.
My advice to you is to try to write something about yourself - using another name if you want - but really putting down what happened to you, or what you felt and thought.
I think you have potential to be a good writer, and you probably already are in Swedish - but in English you have a way to go yet.
As far as humour goes, I didn't think any of it was particularly funny - but then, I am an American, and I often struggle with what English people think funny - and probably would have trouble with Swedish humour too.
Do keep writing.
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Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 2nd September 2007 | I didn't really get the humour in this. Both pieces are a bit too earnest for me.
You write great English though. |
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