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By tornlove09
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06 September 2007 |
Sitting alone for so long
my eyes no longer see
I dont know how much
is left of me
Fear is within me
of what im not sure
I have worked so hard
for a hopeless cure
I shut my eyes and saw
you again, you looked at me
waiting for revenge.
The screams were muted
my arms were paused
you pressed play
You were a big block buster
and i was only a repeat
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Interesting.
Written by Faerieanna (25 comments posted) 13th September 2007 | I'm trying to understand this and I'm not sure if I've got it, I think it could use expanding, you seem to change perspective a couple of times (from watching yourself to being watched???) and there are a couple of lines which don't seem to belong, or at least I'm not sure how they do...?
What I imagine is that you are dwelling on an argument with someone. Very heated, very angry but that you have played it over and over in your mind so much that it's wearing you down. You are shrinking until that moment is all that's left of you. I like the idea of being "paused" as if someone is playing back a video of you (or you are playing back the memory as if on a video, this is where I get confused about perspective again). The idea of someone else being able to "pause" you and "mute" you gives a strong sense of loss of control, that your life, your happness is in someone else's hands...
I could be completely wrong about this but that's what it says to me and if that's the case I totally relate and I'm sure everyone has felt a bit like this at some time in their life...
The lines which I'm not sure how they belong here are:
"Fear is within me
of what im not sure
I have worked so hard
for a hopeless cure"
What are you looking for a cure for? The relationship? Why fear? The rest of the poem makes me imagine you feeling more numb, worn out: "I don't know how much is left of me" (I really like that line)...
I will continue to reread this as I seem to spot something different everytime I do. Not sure if my interpretation is anything like you intended but I very much enjoyed this in anycase. I think it could use work, at least a little expansion but on the whole a really good piece (especially for one so young!).
Take care,
Anna x
| Interesting.
Written by Faerieanna (25 comments posted) 13th September 2007 | I'm trying to understand this and I'm not sure if I've got it, I think it could use expanding, you seem to change perspective a couple of times (from watching yourself to being watched???) and there are a couple of lines which don't seem to belong, or at least I'm not sure how they do...?
What I imagine is that you are dwelling on an argument with someone. Very heated, very angry but that you have played it over and over in your mind so much that it's wearing you down. You are shrinking until that moment is all that's left of you. I like the idea of being "paused" as if someone is playing back a video of you (or you are playing back the memory as if on a video, this is where I get confused about perspective again). The idea of someone else being able to "pause" you and "mute" you gives a strong sense of loss of control, that your life, your happness is in someone else's hands...
I could be completely wrong about this but that's what it says to me and if that's the case I totally relate and I'm sure everyone has felt a bit like this at some time in their life...
The lines which I'm not sure how they belong here are:
"Fear is within me
of what im not sure
I have worked so hard
for a hopeless cure"
What are you looking for a cure for? The relationship? Why fear? The rest of the poem makes me imagine you feeling more numb, worn out: "I don't know how much is left of me" (I really like that line)...
I will continue to reread this as I seem to spot something different everytime I do. Not sure if my interpretation is anything like you intended but I very much enjoyed this in anycase. I think it could use work, at least a little expansion but on the whole a really good piece (especially for one so young!).
Take care,
Anna x
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