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Poetry
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What am I doing?
By goatboy
06 September 2007
I hope you like the grammar and punctuation on this one a little better I did spend a little more time on it, I even did a spellcheck!   

I sure there are still numerous errors which Oli will take great pleasure in pointing out but im gratefull for any comments positive or negative....

              Cheers Steve

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

What am I feeling on this couch that I’m sitting?

With this guitar that I’m strumming

In these clothes that I’m wearing

In this job I’m doing?

Five days a week in this sweatshop I’m working

Give up most of my time and labour for what?

Just enough money to live

And buy the things you must buy

To survive in this society

A car, a house and a T.V D.V.D

To watch the things you must see

Life insurance, a pension and a mobile phone

With all the latest ring tones

But who am I calling

On this phone that’s ringing?

And what am I saying

To this person that’s talking about life

And the meaning thereof?

Everyone’s got an opinion

Or so they think they have

They don’t realise they’re just repeating

What they’re hearing and not thinking or feeling.

Reviews
To Goatboy
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 6th September 2007
These series of questions you are asking us. If we get the answers right, will you give us a prize? It is sad that you have got to the stage where life seems to have no purpose. I was at death's door not long ago and the chances of survival were one million to one I was told. I value every waking hour now. It brings you up with a shudder. I don't wish it on anyone, but surely you have some good things in life, or can see some purpose in living.

Written by goatboy (7 comments posted) 6th September 2007
lol Josie I'm not depressed at all a little disillustioned maybe but who is'nt! They were just a few questions running through my mind after a hard days work which I thought I'd turn into a little poem, as soon as I finished writing it I felt better...  
:grin

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 6th September 2007
Not free or errors, but the spelling is certainly much better - and it does make it easier to read. There are grammar issues still, but one thing at a time, eh? 
 
It's an interesting piece. It brings up all sorts of questions and thoughts - which is all to the good. I do take issue with the end - but that's probably just me being picky. 
 
On another note, it's no good having a swipe at other reviewers who have taken the time to give an opinion. You may not agree with what they say, even how they say it, but they have taken the trouble to read, think and offer something. It's how the site works. 
 
Actually, as a result of responding to criticism, your work is much more accessible. The subject matter of this one doesn't have the bite of the Bill Hicks piece. However, if you combine the level of thought in that and the increased attention to detail in this - you are only going to improve. 
 
It's all about opinions. Mine may be nonsense. 
 
Phil
Just a question
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 7th September 2007
There a hundreds of things which you could do to answer the questions in this poem. The first would be to answer the questions truthfully yourself, writing the words onto a piece of paper. If the answer to each question is "Nothing", why don't you change it to "something"? Because if you don't do "something" then the answer will always remain "nothing" and things will always be the same. So, tell us please, perhaps in the next poem, what you have decided to do to change things. (Excuse me, I feel a poem coming on. . . . ."

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