Mr. Storr: Are we all here then - all the interested parties? (General nodding of heads.) Well then, I will get on.

“This is the last will and testament of me, Ernest Pounder, of sound body and mind, as made on the 5th of January 2007.”

Cynthia: He rewrote his will just before he left!

Mr. Storr: Yes, that is correct. He came to see me and made out a will, knowing that he was going on what might be called an extreme sport holiday, considering his age. I advised him that it was the correct thing to do. It makes things so much more straight forward when everything is down in black and white.

Renee: And did you think he was of sound body and mind when he came to see you? How would you know anyway? You didn’t really know him for any length of time did you? He’s been acting most peculiarly over the past six months, and we all noticed it, didn’t we?

(The children and spouses nod.)

Eileen: What nonsense you talk. He was as bright as a button up til the very end. (She sobs into her handkerchief.)

James: Were you on this holiday with him then?

Eileen: Yes, of course I was. We all were.

Stuart: All? What do you mean by all.

Beryl: All of his U3A friends. I was there too. We had such a good time up until it happened.

Mr. Storr: Could I please bring you back to the matter in hand?

Beryl and Eileen together: Sorry, sir.

Mr. Storr: Right, well, the reason you have all been asked to be here together today is that, as you might have assumed, you have all been mentioned in Mr. Ernest Pounder’s will. And since we have a certain amount of, shall I say, acrimony apparent in the room today, I will jump over the formalities of the will and go straight to the way Mr. Pounder has chosen to distribute his worldly goods.

“To my son John Pounder, I leave all of my books.”

John: His books? He knows I never read. He must be having a joke.

Mr. Storr: If you would be kind enough to let me continue - Thank you. “As he has shunned books all his life, I hope he will spend the remainder of the time left to him changing his mind about them.”

John: Hmmm.

Mr. Storr: “To my daughters Renee and Cynthia, I leave the remainder of my household goods to dispose of as they wish.”

Renee: Thank goodness for small mercies.

Mr. Storr: I haven’t finished. “They may be disappointed to note that all of the antiques worth selling have been sold, but I rather doubt if they would have valued them as much as antiques as my group and I have.”

Renee: So what is left of the household good then?

Mr. Storr: I do have an inventory here somewhere. Yes, here it is. The basic contents of the house, and garage.

Renee: What about the things he sold?

Eileen: He got a good price for them.

Cynthia: You mean he sold all the good stuff and left us the junk?

Mr. Storr: It’s not for us to speculate as to how Mr. Pounder chose to dispose of his assets - all I must do as advise you as to what will legally be yours.

Cynthia: But what about the house? Surely he left that to us. It must be worth at least £300,000.

Mr. Storr: As I understand it, Mr. Pounder came to an arrangement with Norwich Union Insurance. He sold them the house for an undisclosed amount of money, and then he had the right to live in it up until he died - no matter how long that might have been. It’s quite a common thing for folks to do these days. You must have seen the ads on TV.

Stuart: And how long ago did all this happen?

Beryl: Oh, I can tell you that. It was just after you visited last time. And the rest of his life turned out to be only a few months. What a cruel irony. (She starts to cry again.)

Cynthia (bitterly): And just what are these two ladies getting out of my father’s will? You said that we had all been mentioned.

Mr. Storr: Well, I was just coming to that. Mrs. Mortlake and Mrs. Makepiece don’t actually directly benefit from the estate. They are here as representatives of the U3A.

James: And what is that if I might ask?

Mr. Storr: It stands for the University of the Third Age - and it is an organisation that encourages retired people to get together to share their skills with each other. It is very popular with older people. I am thinking of joining myself.

Stuart: So what has he left to the U3A then? His skills for deceiving his family? (He shakes his fist in anger at the solicitor.)

Mr. Storr: Now, now. Don’t be like that. You have no reason to be angry with me. I am only doing my job.

James: Well, get on and do it then.

Mr. Storr: Mr. Pounder has asked that the residue of his estate, in other words the money that he has realised from the sale of his house and various objects in it, should go to setting up a trust fund to offer a free yearly holiday abroad to ten lucky members of the local U3A, to be organised by these ladies here. The trust will, of course, increase in value, so it will last for many decades. In fact it might still be going when the rest of you get to that magic golden age, and you might yet benefit from your father’s largess.

Eileen: He was such a sweet man.

Beryl: And so generous. I haven’t had so much fun for a long time.
Every day was a new adventure.

Eileen: He will be sorely missed.

Beryl: He certainly will. You children never really knew what a wonderful man your father was.

Renee: Generous to you, no doubt! I expect he paid for your trip to Switzerland this time!

(Eileen and Beryl nod, a bit embarrassed.)

John: Is there any way we can contest this? These people (he points with derision at Beryl and Eileen) had only known my father well for six months at the most. We knew him all our lives. Surely a court would decide that we, his children, had more right to his money than they do.

Eileen: (trying hard not to cry) You say we hardly knew your father. I must challenge that. We cooked for him, we shopped for him, we cleaned for him. We held him when he cried over your mother. We gave him a reason to go on living. We watched him come back to life and enjoy things again. We listened to his ideas, his fantasies (like going skiing), and the story of his life. We laughed with him, shared our lives with him and gave him a whole new reason for living through our organisation. We loved him very much and didn’t want or expect anything from him. How much have you given your father over the last six months?

Cynthia: He rejected everything we tried to do for him but he was our father. Of course we loved him and cared for him. He was very cruel to cut us off.

Beryl: Challenge it if you like. You will only be bitter and miserable until you do.

Mr. Storr: You can, of course, try, but I will certainly be witness to the fact that he knew what he was doing when he made this will. He did write this final note which might help the family to understand his choice. “I make this will knowing that it will come as a shock to some. But I want my children to know that what I earned I came by honestly and worked hard for - and I would like them to strive to do the same thing. This will give them the opportunity to do so.”

Mr. Storr: Thank you all for coming. I will have my secretary post out the relevant forms, and then this matter will be at a close. If you wouldn’t mind leaving now, I do have another client waiting.

(They all trail out of the office, with the relatives looking very sour indeed.  Beryl and Eileen are still crying softly.)

Curtain.