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The Obession Of A Not Quite Lover |
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By RegisteredGhost
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11 September 2007 |
Criticism welcome, and the title is the subject.
Wanting born of proximity
and cherished imperfections
barely admitted;
a single facet of affection,
the object of your emotion
grasped tightly, coveted
by a heart of glass. |
Written by Phil (6828 comments posted) 11th September 2007 | Perhaps it's meant to be, but this is cold and leaves me cold. Emotionless describes it best perhaps. Sorry.
Phil. |
Written by RegisteredGhost (9 comments posted) 11th September 2007 | | Thank you for your review. Cold was where I was headed, although I think it needs a bit of work to describe the specific kind of obsession I was thinking of, the kind where all the reasons for obsession are a projection, where one person doesn't really know the other, and the hold is fragile and would shatter should anything about the object of affection become known. I was going to try mixing burning desire/greed to go with the detachment, but I haven't as yet figured out a way to, and so far the attempt at another verse looks to be turning into a brother instead of an add-on. | I love it
Written by Dolbster (2 comments posted) 25th September 2008 | | I find this poem very powerful. It's simple and effective. | hi
Written by HannahandSophie (8 comments posted) 25th September 2008 | | i think that ur poem is good for your first attempt at writing. |
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