I love stories of the supernatural, especially those involving werewolves. I wanted to write a convincing story with werewovles, but have never been able to come up with a good enough plot. This time I might have it, what do you think?
Our time had run out, and we knew it.
All around us lights were filtering through the trees as we ran on ahead, desperate to reach somewhere we could hole up for a bit. Above all we could not afford to betray the location of the pack. Gunshots rang out across the night. Here and there we could here the bullets thudding into the ground or ricocheting off tree trunks.
Despite our fantastic stamina, Lucy and I were already beginning to feel exhausted from our flight through the woods.
We had been out on the hunt when the first patrol caught sight of us. It was then a simple choice; run or be captured.
I had watched, once, as a member of the pack had been caught in an ambush and carted away to the cages. It was horrible to behold one of my own locked away, howling out his misery to the night. If the patrols caught one of us, they were never heard from again.
The shouts were getting louder and nearer as our tiring bodies began to give up. In time we reached a river bank and leapt into the water. Swimming against the current, towards the safety of the pack, would have been impossible as tired as we were. Instead, we let the current take us away until we could no longer hear the sounds of pursuit. With one last burst of strength, we hauled ourselves out of the water and lay on the cool grass until we felt strong enough to go on.
Perhaps I should introduce myself.
My name is Robert and, since I was about eight or nine, I've been on the run from the authorities. The reason is that, ridiculous as it may sound to the ignorant, I am a werewolf. It was only when I approached my teens that I started to change every full moon whether I wanted to or not. That was when I was finally accepted into the pack and allowed to join in the hunt. Contrary to popular belief, werewolves can change any time of year, day or night. However, during the full moon period each month, we are compelled to change each night and there is nothing we can do about it.
There has been a war for many years. A war between humans and werewolves - a war they started.
It was some time before we could go on.
Lucy was the first to set off, though she paused long enough for me to join her. We set off together, desperate to reach the pack before we encountered more trouble. She and I were nineteen and still considered juvenile by the rest of the pack. There would be hell to pay when we returned and told the alpha about our brush with the patrol. Fortunately we encountered no problems on the way back. We darted from cover to cover, constantly watching out for signs that the patrols had found us. Progressing like this meant we took longer to reach the pack. But at least we were safe.
Inside the cave that we used as a base of operations as well as domestic quarters everyone was alert. It wasn't a full moon, but there were a mixture of humans and wolves in the crowd that gathered at our approach. The sentinels on duty called out the challenge and received the correct response. We were allowed in to find trouble already brewing. Once inside, we were greeted by the stern face of the alpha and his mate. Choosing to remain a human so he could speak to us more clearly, the alpha wasn't going to wait for us to explain.
"What the hell were you two doing?" he snapped, "I ordered no more hunts until the patrols went back to their normal routines."
I wanted to snap back at him, to tear out his throat and spill his blood onto the floor of the cave. But I held my anger in check; it wouldn't do to challenge him when he was at a disadvantage.
"Get changed and then perhaps I'll listen to your explanations," he barked before turning his attention to more pressing matters.
Lucy and I went to the tiny room we shared, shut the door and assumed our human forms. We took fresh clothes from the wardrobe and hurriedly dressed. I'd been in trouble with the alpha before and knew what to expect. Lucy, on the other hand, was almost the ‘star pupil'. She never put a paw out of line and it had been hoped that our relationship would stem my disobedience. Fat chance!
I never went out of my way to find trouble; trouble just seemed to find me.
Preparing for the worst, Lucy and I left our room and went in search of the alpha. We found him in his own room reading a book. When we knocked and were permitted to enter, he placed the book on his desk and stood.
"Close the door," he called to a youth acting as sentry.
"You," he looked at Lucy, "Should know better. You've always been content to follow orders without question."
"Rules were made to be broken," she answered simply.
"Not when doing so endangers the pack!" The alpha turned to look at me, his gaze cold and penetrating.
"You've been warned about disobeying orders more times than I care to recall. If it doesn't stop, you'll be cast out and, believe me, you won't last long."
I nodded but kept silent.
"Nothing to say?" asked the alpha, "Perhaps that's for the better. Take a hint and accept that I know what I'm doing."
"The patrols are no more or less active than when you issued that order," I observed, "It was mere chance that they saw us when they did."
"Perhaps," mused the alpha, "Just remember that no-one is exempt from punishment; not even the alpha's son."
I nodded. When father had finished his speech, Lucy and I went off to find food. The kitchen was always available for a bite to eat, though not all the staff could cook as well as Maria, the chef. She was a real godsend when it came to mealtimes. If there was anything you wanted, she'd try and make it. If she lacked and ingredient, she'd improvise so well you'd never guess the difference.
"Heard you've been off gallivanting ‘gainst orders again," she called when she saw me.
"Well someone's got to see what the human's are doing these days."
Maria nodded, "Truth be told, I wish we'd go on the offensive. There's that R.A.F base down the road. If we could get in there, we'd have access to all the gear, not to mention a proper mess hall."
"An army marches on its stomach?" quipped Lucy.
"Aye, me deary," replied Maria, "T'aint no good us wallowing here when any minute a patrol could find us and wipe us out."
"You've become quite the military expert," I said with mock solemnity, "Perhaps dad should assign you to the advisory committee."
Maria laughed heartily before hurrying off to serve others.
Joking aside, I knew Maria was right.
However, there was no hope whilst the packs were scattered and unable to communicate. One pack on its own would be overwhelmed before it could ever gain a foothold. If only we could unite the packs and set them to work in unison. We had never desired the destruction of the humans. We wanted peace; they wanted to annihilate all werewolves, to eradicate them from the face of the earth. It all boiled down to a fight, on our part, for survival.
"Time to hear the latest news," I told Lucy as a small grey wolf ran into the cave and dashed into my father's quarters.
As the alpha's son, I had the privilege of being privy to any information on the outside world. I had often been there when news of human troop movements was brought in. Lucy and I were quick to enter my father's room where he was seated at his desk hearing the latest report. The messenger had since assumed his human form and was huddled in a cloak to keep out the cold until he could find some fresh clothes.
"They've started patrolling round the two lakes more often. They've almost ceased all patrols in this area, but I think it's only a matter of time before they get enough reinforcements to patrol here in strength."
"What makes you so sure," I asked, "Have you seen signs that they're bringing up more troops?"
The messenger turned to me, "I managed to get close enough to a patrol to hear the orders they were given over the radio. They were told to prepare for three regiments coming up from the Midlands."
"We haven't the strength to take on another three regiments," father observed, "The packs are too spread out. Even the two on the other side of the lake couldn't get here in time, nor could they give much help if they're about to face heavier patrolling in their territories."
"Let me take a small party and lay an ambush," I offered, "If I can knock out enough of their equipment, they wouldn't be able to communicate and they'd fall apart. They'd be ripe for attack."
Father leapt to his feet, anger flaring across his countenance, "Out of the question!" he shouted, "Have I taught you nothing; we do not kill humans for the sake of it. We kill only when necessary to preserve our own lives."
"Forgive me if this is old news, but we're fighting a war. We're already trying to preserve our own lives and we can only do that by forcing the humans to call for peace."
"Don't tell me how to fight a war!" snarled my father, "You weren't even born when this started."
"That means nothing!" I shouted back, "Ever since I was born I've been fighting humans. I'm sick of it. If we can end this war now, by any means possible, then we should end it!"
With that I stormed out of the room, Lucy following closely. Our love for each other was the only thing I could be sure of in those turbulent times.
"Don't be hard on him," she said, soothingly, "He only wants what's best for the pack."
"Again and again I hear people talking about the pack. Why is it never about you or me, why is it always the pack?"
"Because the pack is who we are. If it falls apart, we lose everything. It's the only world we know and we have to keep it safe."
I had so often voiced my anger in this way and always Lucy brought it under control. It was a conversation we had had many times before and would probably have many times again. Like it or lump it, the pack was our identity and we had to preserve it.
The next day was spent in preparation to tackle the increased number of troops in our territory. Men and women spent hours preparing the escape routes should the cave be attacked. The advisors were closeted with my father and even I wasn't allowed in.
By midday most of the preparations were finished. Traps had been set; holes were made so we could ambush any attacking force. The only problem was that we were too tired at the end of the work to drill or to send out scouts. And so the attack came unannounced and overwhelmed us in an instant.
It started so suddenly it was unbelievable. The first troops were inside the cave before we even knew we were under attack. Everyone who could defend themselves changed and launched a bitter counterattack. A few fled with the children and the sick to save them from being killed or, worse, captured.
It was a savage fight.
Neither side gave any ground until the signal was given that we were to retreat. Lucy and I were in the thick of things, desperately attacking any and every human who crossed our paths. One attempted to tear me away from his comrade. I spun round, dropping the mangled corpse in the process and faced my new adversary.
"Bastard!" he yelled and lunged at me with the bayonet attached to his rifle. Easily ducking under the ill-timed lunge, I lashed out and dug deep gashes in the man's leg. He went down in a heap and I leapt on top to deliver the coup de grace.
The net was on me before I knew what was happening. Angrily I clawed and bit at the mesh around me. But it was steel wire and I only succeeded in cutting my mouth slightly. I was mad with rage and howled at the top of my voice. Then I saw, to my horror, Lucy in the same predicament. She was in an even greater frenzy than I was and already her captors were bringing out what looked like small pistols. They fired one and a dart lanced into Lucy's flank. She bit and clawed at the projectile, but it had done its work and she collapsed into unconsciousness.
I could stand no more and went back to trying to break free. A sharp pain in my side told me that I, too, had been shot. I looked around at the rest of the cave. The majority of the pack had escaped save for myself, Lucy and three others. Then I slipped into blissful oblivion.
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Written by Krish (51 comments posted) 26th August 2005 |
I like the way you've structured this, the beginning to draw the reader in, then introducing the character and the situation before going on. The writing itself is good in most places, but could use some work during the more active scenes, like the chase and the fight. In those places it felt to me a bit too calm. For example: ~ "Bastard!" he yelled and lunged at me with the bayonet attached to his rifle. Easily ducking under the ill-timed lunge, I lashed out and dug deep gashes in the man's leg ~ Could become: ~ "Bastard!" he yelled, lunging towards me, bayonet ready. I ducked easily and lashed out, gashing his leg.~ I think it could reflect the frantic nature of the combat better. Just an idea. Overall it's an excellent start to something longer. The world you've built sounds interesting and I'm looking forward to hearing more. |
I get the 'howler' reference now Written by idlemusings (80 comments posted) 1st September 2005 |
I like it. Good idea for a story and I enjoyed reading it. There are a couple of spelling mistakes ('here' instead of 'hear') but that's just nitpicking by me I agree with Krish about the action sequences needing a bit of pepping up. One thing that really jarred with me was 'But it was steel wire and I only succeeded in cutting my mouth slightly' I was imagining the werewolf fighting madly and then he just cuts his mouth slightly? I think it would read better if he had torn his mouth badly or something a bit stronger in line with the furious action you are describing. All that aside I'd like to read more - it's a good idea for a story.
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clever start Written by kevinrobson73 (391 comments posted) 1st September 2005 |
suggest a rewrite with a bit more passion this i feel would give you more "room to manouvre" and weave your story i.e. relationship with father instances of trouble just finding him hope that's helpful |
Right then... Written by idlemusings (80 comments posted) 11th September 2005 |
I had to come back here and make another comment on this story. The thing is, this story keeps popping into my head and I find myself wanting to know what happens next. I think you've got a really good idea here that could, and should, be developed and continued. Don't give up on this one. |
Part two... Written by employee2-4601 (37 comments posted) 12th September 2005 |
| I'm currently working on the next part of the story. It should be ready soon, but you know it's impossible to rush these things. I knocked up this bit in a single afternoon; the follow-up's a bit harder. |
Underworld per chance? Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 17th May 2006 |
This story imediately put me in mind of a childrens version of Underworld (movie with Kate Beckinsale) from the werewolves point of view. Guess it would make good childrens TV. Some of it worked, some of it didnt. Some of the scene setting with the father didn't work. The 'we were to tired to drill or send out scouts' doesnt make sense, you would send out scouts regardless. You want to live. Especially if you then have to fight savagely in a losing battle. I did read all of this though, and can see from your previous stuff that chapter two might arrive anytime between now and the next year. |
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