James

Listen now ‘bout the poor boy James

Who loved to play computer games

Now James ate nothing but crisps and pies

So he grew fat and squared his eyes

When Mum was busy on mobile calls

And Dad was absent, putting balls

Young James kept busy zapping the telly

Squaring his eyes and rounding his belly

The months flew by, Mum made more calls

In silly trousers, dad hit more balls

And James’s eyes they got big and square

And his belly it grew from here to there

Then one day mum looked up mid text

And couldn’t believe what she saw next

There’s been mistake, where was her lad?

On the golf course she rang his Dad

There’s a squared eyed blob on our settee

Where our fine young James ought to be

Dad was shocked he dropped his putter

And it’s eaten James he heard her mutter

Dad rushed home only to find it true

But there was nothing that they could do

So they tippi-toed (as quite as a mouse)

Locked him in and then moved house.