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Poetry
Lady Luck (Revised)
By Aurora
12 September 2007
This poem has been published in an anthology entitled "Magic of the Muse" it is one of my favorites! All comments gratefully recieved! I have tried to improve the iambic pentameter on this and have implemented indenting. Thanks for the help, Hope this improves things!

Lady Luck

When life is getting you down,
   Nothing is going your way,
Just call up lady luck,
   Ask her to make your day.

She’ll change things in a heartbeat,
   She will turn your life around,
Magically she’ll lift
   Your feet up off the ground.

The buses that come at once,
   The lucky seven dice roll,
You will soon have that job,
   Breaking free from the dole.

But do not count your chickens,
  And don’t you dare jump that gun,
Nothing is guaranteed,
   She may be having fun!

Reviews
Comments
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 12th September 2007
ABCB rhyming works OK. The metre is a bit stuttery for me - try to think in metric feet, however many syllables you chose, it can help to make your poem work better. 
 
e.g. dada dada dada dada dada (iambic pentametre - five iambs) 
 
Your first stanza is 7,6,6,6 
Your second stanza is 8,7,8,7 a little jarring perhaps.  
 
Bear in mind though what I said about rules. And, hey! Perhaps you are more talented and published than little old Oli! 
:)
Thanks Talisker!
Written by Aurora (56 comments posted) 12th September 2007
What is your name about? (If you don't mind me asking.) 
Thanks for your great advice! I have just written a poem "Jane Austin" where I have tried to follow your advice. Would welcome a review to tell me if I have completly missed the point or not! lol!  
 
Thanks again :grin
Last verse
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 12th September 2007
You have three beats to every line (well that's how I count it). when life (1) is getting you (2) down (3). In the last verse, "Nothing is certain" is definitely not "3). There is nothing that is for certain. "There is nothing" (1) that is (2) for certain (3). Can you see the difference? Clapping your hands to your poem may help you. "And get off the dole" is also out of rhythm. Actually there are more, but you will need to go through the verses yourself and do some clapping. You can easily correct them. Hope this helps.
Cheer Josie!
Written by Aurora (56 comments posted) 12th September 2007
Just hope my Fiance can put up with me clapping all the time now! lol! :grin :grin :grin

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