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By AgentBob
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15 September 2007 |
This is my first poem to be put up on GW. Just thoughts about myself when reviewing my life. Note I was 6182 days old when writing this.
1. wasted moments
2. time kreeping away
4. mind so empty
5. yet
7. filled with these of empty thoughts
8. and yet i feel so dead inside
10. wait..
1. moments wasted so
2. time always kreeping away
4. mind full of these empty thoughts
7. time spent waiting for this eventual decline in my mental well being: 10 days
9. time spent waiting for me to die: 6182 days
11. i AM so dead inside
12. will this end....
14. wait
*12. when will this ever end... |
Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 14th September 2007 | I'd be interested to know how old you are before I comment.
Phil. | A simple question
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 15th September 2007 | | Where did you learn to write poetry? |
Written by AgentBob (2 comments posted) 15th September 2007 | | Its a numberd thought process, numbers are missing as not all thoughts a relavent, the mind wanders. I would like to ask you where you learnt to write poetry? | Hello Bob
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 15th September 2007 | | Yes, I understand. As for me - I didn't have many lessons I'm afraid Bob. I liked poetry when I was a child and have read a few as an adult. I just wrote them as I liked them actually, but I did do a bit of study last year when it came to Petrarchan sonnets, and these were difficult because you had to write in a tight framework. Quite challenging though. Many of GW writers have had the advantage of studying poetry at university, but I was in a B stream of a secondary modern, and I think the only two poems we did were: The Lady of Shallot and, of course, Wordsworth's Daffodils. I did write a poem for our school magazine when I was 11, which I think today was very good for a child of that age, but nobody gave me much encouragement at poetry writing then. Did you read much poetry? It helps with writing I think. Good luck. | Evening AgentBob
Written by Sinnerman_Pfank (17 comments posted) 15th September 2007 | Thought the structure was unusual but couldn't really connect all the pieces. How would you feel about this piece if you were to take the numbers out?
6182, I reckon, off the top of my head, is ~late teens.(?)
Interesting you're so precise with the numbers.
Sinnerman |
Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 15th September 2007 | Interesting structure - but not one that works for me. The missing numbers are, I guess, more interesting than the ones that are there.
As I read this, 'Angst ridden teenager,' popped to the fore of my mind pretty quickly. In essence, there's nothing intrinsically wrong in that, except it has been done too often - and usually badly.
I'd be interested to read some more of your work - but on a different subject.
Phil |
Written by AgentBob (2 comments posted) 15th September 2007 | | I will hunt down the missing lines and post them as part 2, I found the removed lines made the poem confusing, as one was about a floating drifter(chocolate bar) wrapper. I was watching one out of my window. Some people would describe me as "angst ridden" although I wouldn't say it of myself. |
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