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Poetry
Music unknown
By patterjack
15 September 2007
patch  work

                  Music Unknown

Dignified, dressed impeccably for any weather,
The Asian lady in her slow determined walk
as she exercises circling round our  blocks of units
ignores
the Asian business man with laptop
who brushes past on his pursuit of gain;
ignores
the boy on the skateboard who trickily flicks it up to hand,  
silencing for a moment the clacking of its trucks on pavers
then steps round past her to resume his precipitate dash.

She probably does not notice the planes that pass above
as regular in their  schedule as is she,
nor the trains that pass on the nearby suburban line.

Her circling of the paths around the block is like that of planets,
Serene, untroubled by the other movement around her.

Seated on my exercise bike upon our balcony   
I am the only stationary one among them all,
observing those who pass into and from my view.

Progressing nowhere, I am prone to speculating.
My mind moves on in time while I stay in one place.
I think on the planets and their empyrean circling song
and ask of myself and about the ones who pass
Where  is the song that gives this movement meaning?
Hidden deep, I  fear, under a weight of words
and muffled deeper still  beneath the weight of years.

I am as aged as is the Asian lady
and we each move deathwards in our differing ways
while movement and worlds' music surrounds us both.

I envy her her deliberate dignified pace.
She keeps a serenity I can not achieve.

Reviews
Hello
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 15th September 2007
Hello Brian. Nice to see your work again. You paint quite a picture of the view from your balcony. You say that you move deathward, but everyone does, and the worst thing is when young people die before they've really lived. It would be interesting to know what she thinks of whilst exercising. Perhaps she's a GW writer planning her next short story - or perhaps thinking of an illicit affair! Perhaps you can pop out and ask her as we are all wondering now. Interesting.
Hey!
Written by Monkeymox (16 comments posted) 15th September 2007
I liked it, you have clearly put alot of thought into the wording of this poem. I love how you are following the path of one amongst a crowd but have likened her route to the movement of planets; it seemed to me that that shows that each person who walks past your balcony has been on a journey in their lives, and far from being unimportant, each journey (and person) is vastly significant. 
 
Well, thats my interpretation, in any case :) Probably wrong! 
 
Loved it!

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 15th September 2007
Really good to see you post again Brian. 
 
I really liked this for the simplicity on the esurface and depth in its - well - depth. You may laugh when I say this, but the pulse brought to mind Dylan Thomas - Under Milk Wood. Not sure why, but there you go. 
 
The scene is set and the reader is invited into two worlds with a few supporting characters. Josie makes a good point. I wonder if she ever looks up at the balcony and ponders you? You could be the point of gravity she orbits. There's a line from Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance (I think) that goes something like: We pass unnoticed through other people's lives. Brought that to mind too. Certainly touching some bases. 
 
This really appeals to the way I think - so there's that thing I go on about when I've read poetry that touches me - resonance.  
 
Death is after us all Brian. Just keep dodging - and posting. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil. 
 
Sorry for the ramble.
thank you all
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th September 2007
It was an easy job to get this poem started , a damned sight more difficult to get anywhere near a conclusion. The body of it is a patched together melange and the ending is unsatisfactorily trite, not all that close to what I wanted to say . 
 
Why then , put it up ?  
 
To get something started-- in hope the blockages may be eased . 
 
Josie ,the Asian lady is simply not with this world . A nice old duck but non-communicative. 
 
Dylan Thomas , Phil ? would that it were so , bach ! 
 
And MM -- you have flattered me a little , I think . So , many thanks  
 
patterjack
Hi Brian
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 16th September 2007
I thought it was a beautiful poem - and lovely idea - you watching her, watching you, maybe.

Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 16th September 2007

Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 16th September 2007
Thank you Jean
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 16th September 2007
After 3 attempts to tell you !!!! 
 
( My Latin tells me it is * In Loco Parentis * by the way -- sorry if I sound like a clever dick! ) 
 
patterjack

Written by sampaguita (7 comments posted) 8th October 2007
the way you've weaved the words into one elegant piece of poetry, this goes to my favourites
thank you sampaguita
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 8th October 2007
Your comment is much appreciated  
 
patterjack
makes me think
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 28th January 2008
I am an Asian woman. But I do wonder sometimes about the elderly Asian women serenely doing their walks. Then I suddenly realise my Mum is one of those Asian elderly Asian ladies, who does her daily walk around the block! Just not quite so serenely. She limps.  
 
And I know she has lived a far more colourful life than I would ever hope to live. She escaped on foot from north korea, survived the ravages of war, and lived on three different continents. 
 
So what about that shrivelled old lady? Who is she? 
 
I wonder about elderly people. I wonder what kind of life they've lived. What stories they have to tell, that will go untold. What wisdom they have impart, that will stay silent...  
 
I often wish I know what they know, so I can be old while young. 
 
I know one day I will be one of them, and someone will be watching me, wondering... 
 
You really made me think, but sorry about going off on a tangent...  
 
I found myself wondering if I know the lady you were watching... I might... 
 
Mia 
 
 
 
I particularly watch elderly gentlemen in shopping centres. And I wonder what kind of life they've lived.

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