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Poetry
Gilbert and Sullivan
By Sinnerman_Pfank
15 September 2007

Evening

We had  management consultants in a few weeks back. It probably is beyond parody, but anyway......

(Optionally sung to the tune of "The Song of the Major general" from Pirates of Penzance

Sinnerman

I am the very model of a modern business visionary
I embrace each new theory with a zeal that’s almost missionary
I know the books of Chomsky in order chronological
Erikson and Argyris and their theories psychological
I can recall from memory, Druckers Bibliography
Beckhard’s management theory or Bateson’s anthropology
The works of Convey and Porter are, of course, all personal friends
I analyse and understand the subtlest of business trends.
In quality business dailies, there you’ll often see me in the news
My monologues on business culture get nothing but the best reviews
In short, in matters of leadership, management or industry.
I am the very model of a modern corporate visionary.

I can recite the work’s of giants from DeBono to Berners-Lee
Aaker, Abell, Yoram wind? I’ve memorised each strategy
From continuous improvement to the innovative profit pool
I teach each and every one of them at some-or-other business school
I know all the buzzwords from “imagineer” to “paradigm”
I’ve redefined the boundaries of what people might call “flexi-time”
But I avoid the use of language like guru or idolatry
I’m saving that sort of thing for my autobiography!
But though my vocabulary’s impressive and my style didactical
I’m afraid it’s pretty obvious my theories are impractical
In short, in matters of leadership, management or industry
I am the very model of a modern business visionary

In fact, when I can self-diagnose cerebral ischaemia
When I can tell the difference between “real world” and academia
When I can find solutions to the problems business are staring at
When I can tell the difference between a leader and a bureaucrat
When I learn the ability to stop talking out my well-upholstered ass
When I know more of business than an under 10 remedial class
In short, when I learn the difference between loo-roll and a balance sheet
A better corporate visionary I promise you will never meet!
For although I define new trends and with argument I’ll have no truck
I’ve never been in business and ever actually made a buck
But I embrace each new theory with a zeal that’s almost missionary
For I am the very model of a modern corporate visionary!

Reviews

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 15th September 2007
Consultants, the epitome of wankery. I thought you went easy. We have them in education too. 
 
Phil
Well done
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th September 2007
A commonly parodied piece , often badly , but this swings nicely. 
 
patterjack

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