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Poetry
Unframed
By Keller
16 September 2007
This is a piece about going to see Antony Gormley's Blind Light exhibition in London last month.  If anyone else experienced this, you may appreciate how hard it was to solidify this moment in my mind let alone on paper!  I was going to put a bit at the end about spending a fortune in the gift shop!  Does it work as is, it's all very misty, but, then, so was the box.  Or does it need clearing up more?
Thanks!

The doorway is barely defined
it’s edges hazed:
so easy to forget where you began.
This fog swamps my lungs,
pressing into my chest,
pushing this nothing-white
hard against my eyes.

I can barely see you
beyond your hand which
I will not let go.
Your face is there in
memory alone;
moulded into shadow
dripping away into mist.

A form surprises me,
fusing, solidifying,
a form I thought was lost.
You look like you’ve been swimming;
your skin like marble,
your palm damp in mine.

Exiting this is such relief.  
My eyes awed by corners
and angles, and realising how solid
the world can be.

Reviews
hey keller
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 16th September 2007
not come across you before so hi :) 
 
I think you'd do well to edit this; and be brutal. You could lose the first three lines and, as long as you kept the introduction [or included the exhibition in the title, for instance] to give it context, it would still work fine. 
 
Taken as read that all poetry is personal, there is a very personal element to this poem which appeals to the reader.  
 
keep working on it :grin  
 
clo

Written by Phil (6629 comments posted) 17th September 2007
I know nothing about the exhibition or the artist, so I come to this at a disadvantage - and I guess that colours my reaction. 
 
I really liked the middle two stanzas, particularly the first of the two. I suppose they could be read as more universal while the first and last were place specific. 
 
Not the best of reviews, I know, but the best I can do without the background knowledge. 
 
Phil.

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