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Poetry
delays [re-jigged]
By no1butClo
18 September 2007
...any better?

Here, we relax
into a silence to be treasured,
a silence of flourescent tubes,
vending machines and dark,
feral noises in the distance,
just beyond the out-sized picket fence,
where the safe eerie orange pool stops.

A moth's wings catch
the streetlight,
and resemble ambers
falling from the lamps
above our heads.

We sit on the platform,
not talking or touching,
watching the displays change
and ignoring the inertia,
growing from the corners
of this single station bench.

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 18th September 2007
Missed this first time around Chloe. 
 
Very nicely descriptive. 
 
Your line lengths seem a little arbitrary to me. I know that this is free verse, but it seems a bit jagged. Just a subjective, stylistic thing. 
 
I really enjoy reading your stuff - there's a freshness to it - youthful without the usual pretentious shit. 
 
Oli :)

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 18th September 2007
I do remember the first, but not well enough to compare. I don't remember the picket fence reference - and I'm not sure what it adds - could be me. 
 
Liked it though. Enough scene set to to take the reader into a feast of pictures. Static scene, changing emotions. Lots to think about. 
 
Phil.

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