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Shorts
Judge the Beard
By remoh
19 September 2007
a really short story. you could call it a 45 minute fiction


"What's the matter , brother?"

"It's just....nothing. forget about it..."

"Hey, come on tell me."

"All our lives we have learned about how not to judge people without knowing them. 'Don't be decieved by the looks....It's the heart that matters the most.etc etc"

"What happened now?"

"My beard...."

"I am not following you. What's wrong with having a beard?"

"There is nothing wrong with a person having a beard.... But it all changes when a Muslim walks around with one."

"Oh...religious problems...eh?"

"Look... I know that there are a lot of idiots who follow Islam who  must have never  known the meaning of Quran... They are the ones who are extremists; terrorists and fanatics. Not me. I am just an unsuccesful painter!"

"You are not unsuccessful... I  would call you an upcoming sensation...the one who .."

"Hello...are you even listening to me?!"

"Ok...please continue..."

"I am fed up with all these suspicions surrounding me. Today I met these couple at the studio. When I told them my last name, they were frozen for five seconds. The woman was still smiling... But i could see that she was screaming inside, "TERRORIST!!!"..."

"You are exaggerating."

"You should have been there....Maybe i should change my introduction dialogue. I must say, 'Hello Iam Suhail Muzaffar Ali. And no, I am not a terrorist."

"That's ridicuolous."

"I know... Maybe I am overreacting...I am sorry...There are lot many people who are still sensible."

"Yes there is."

"It's only a few who believe that a Muslim can exist in this community either as an atheist or a religious fanatic."

"Yes, there is only a few. It's sad that a person like you has to go through these religious issues. Talk about irony!"

"A person like me?"

"Yes. An atheist like you."

"Who said I was an atheist? I believe in God..."

"Oh...really? I didn't know that... I guessed you were you know..."

"And I am religious too! I practice Islam!"

"Chill dude. I am sorry. You were cool about a lot of things so I thought you were an..."

"Atheist! You think a Muslim cannot be cool!"

"No need to raise your voice. These are the kind of things which makes you people get into trouble."

"You people! I thought... you understood me...that you were different."

"There is so much hatred in your words."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Suhail...you are scaring me..."

"I am scaring you? You are my friend. I care about you. I would even kill for you."

"Ok. That's it. I don't think we could be friends anymore!"

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3433 comments posted) 19th September 2007
As this was all dialogue it might have been better to treat it as a script and put the character's name before each response,just to help clarity. 
I thought you made your point very well. Using two bothers was a good concept and added to the tension. 
Some of the dialogue sounded a bit overly formal considering the were siblings; phrases like :- 
 
"Maybe i should change my introduction dialogue" 
 
didn't sound realistic but I thougth you handled the theme well untill I got to the last 5 lines. It became far too melodramatic with the over-reaction. 
Offering to kill for someone is not a sign of friendship but of mental illness. 
I think I know what you meant to say but it needs qualification. 
cheers 
Jane

Written by Asferthecat (851 comments posted) 19th September 2007
I didn't think they were brothers. I didn't even think they were both Asian. 
I found the dialogue believeable, given that they were youngsters. 
Its amazing how difficult it is to say the right thing when someone is sensitive about race etc.

Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 19th September 2007
I agree with Jane, scripting this would make it much easier to follow. I had to double back to make sure I was matching the right person with the right lines. I think it's an interesting idea, but the format doesn't do it any favors. 
 
~Claire

Written by Livinginanattic (464 comments posted) 22nd September 2007
I really liked this. It's all too easy to judge people on their appearance and the way they dress. I like the way Suhail's friend's own prejudices were revealed. I take it they are 'brothers' in the sense of comrades rather than siblings. 
 
I agree this would work better in a script format. I also had to double back at one point when I wasn't sure who was speaking. 
 

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