Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Poetry > An obituary of sorts
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1607 guests online and 6 members online
Poetry
print friendly version     
An obituary of sorts
By Phil
22 September 2007
Not somethng I'd have chosen to write about. Just an experiment. It's a response to Andy's poem O(r)bits. Certainly not a challenge to him, just a response to a suggestion.

No idea if this constitutes poetry. Written more out of interest and a lack of any other inspiration. For that Andy: thanks.

Andy: not exactly my response, some alterations for flow and poetic (ha!) effect etc.

Phil.

An obituary of sorts 

Cold and bloody miserable
White snow and white-noise wind
Some say they like the sound
Whistling through the trees and drainpipes of an night
Not me
It eats into my soul
And vomits bile
Matches the scene I suppose
White, crisp and even
But
See the sled marks
See the skid marks
See the red stains
A picture in monochrome
Lit under the loupe of a solitary lamp
Bastardised by exploding brains mashed
On the grill of a homeward bound reveller
A splash of crimson life over
A bleached scene. 
It’s not wrong, just fucking tragic. 

Larger than this
The world carries on
Planets turn, stars burn
Satellites spin. 

But for me, It’s over.

Reviews

Written by stevetroster (1600 comments posted) 22nd September 2007
Phil, I didn't see this in Andy's poem, but your view makes a lot of sense. Good too. 
 
All the best, 
Steve.
PHIL
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 22nd September 2007
What it matters mate I think this is a a good write. 
you never hear white noise it just surronds you. 
Phil, you know what white noise is?

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 22nd September 2007
I was thinking of that irritating fuzz of an untuned radio or TV. Drives me barmy. I stand corrected, but what is it called? 
 
Phil.

Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 22nd September 2007
That's white noise, ywah. So's the National Front, I think. :) 
 
Nice one, Phil. Cool. :)
hi Garry
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 23rd September 2007
white noise is the name given to a type of psych interrogation, in which extreamely high volume of static noise is used , a type of sensory deprevation .
Hi Phil
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 23rd September 2007
Very good poem. I like the imagery, as awful the picture it paints is.

Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 23rd September 2007
I think you'll believe me when I say that your poem is a bit too grim for me Phil. I need something uplifting, not the other way.

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 23rd September 2007
Sorry Josie. 
 
Here's a smile to cheer you up. :grin  
Phil

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3569 comments posted) 23rd September 2007
So this is what you get up to when my back is turned is it? Writing poetry at your age and after the trouble you got me into with your prickly poets piece! 
I admit that I didnt understand Andy's poem and I struggled with this one too. I thought it was graphic,brutal almost put up a a challenge. I like the last verse best, by that I mean the last five lines. It allowed for a bit of reaction time before the end 
Hope to see you in non-fiction soon 
Jane
Hi Phil
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 27th September 2007
I know I'm being very picky but you can't have red stains in a monochrome picture!! 
 
Very grim, but good, if you like that sort of thing. I think I'm with Josie on this.

Written by jammycarrot (50 comments posted) 5th January 2008
I'm going to side with Josie on this one also (how hypocritical of me, i know!) I understand what your saying, white noise was ( and reportedly still is) used as torture, as it can drive peplpe mad listening and trying to find sumbliminal messages in it. 
 
Hoever, it doesn't need the graphic and the language. I like certain phrases, but feel that the use of swearing takes them away from the reader rather than towards it

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.