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For Children
Christmas Time
By halina
30 September 2007
" christmas" is the time of year,
When all the children sing and cheer
Father christmas is on his way
gliding through the snow on a sleigh

Little children gaze out of the window with eyes so large and bright
the stars are shining in the sky tonight.
snow flakes fall from way up above 
mothers and fathers watch their children with joy and love


While the little ones dream sweet dreams
and rest their weary heads
Santa is busy delievering  toys and putting them on their beds
Fast asleep they don't know a thing
not even the sound of the church bells as they ring.



Reviews

Written by Aurora (67 comments posted) 4th October 2007
Really feel in the mood for Christmas now!  
 
Nice imagery in this poem however it could use iambic pentameter i.e. the lines are very uneven. Try counting the beats of each line and make a rhythmic pattern this will help make the poem flow better. Look at the famous poem The night before Christmas for an example. Hope this helps ( I've only just been learning about iambic pentameter myself!)  
 
Hope to see more Christmas things! 
 
Best wishes 
 
Aurora :) :)
Hello Halina
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 5th October 2007
Your subject was good, albeit a bit too early for me. I think Christmas has changed over the years, and the reason is because people are more affluent than in my childhood - during the second world war. We really were excited because we had so few toys and the prospect of perhaps one home-made toy and a book (usually an annual) was enough to make us sing and cheer. Christmas was a day which really stood out wasn't it? It is still rather special now, though, and magical - but not in the big department stores. Your rhyming is good, but the rhythm of your poem needs working on. You should try what I sometimes do: Pick on a really rhythmic piece of music that you like and whistle or sing to it until the rhythm is clear in your mind. Then put words to it, rather like a song. See my "Meet Percy Bacon" poem. I was whistling to the Mexican hat dance as you can see. (See my note following my Family History poem. Try that. You can't get a more rhythmic piece of music than that. You will just want to write words to go with it. ha ha.

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