Orange, then green, it slowly began to cover her fingers.  Alyssa frowned; there was something very wrong with this fake tan.

 

Going a little orange was acceptable, even expected, and was unlikely to cause comment from her friends.  If anything, having a hint of orange would help with blending in amongst the other partygoers all trying to disguise their native pallor.  It was S.O.P - Standard Orange Procedure. 

 

After all nobody wanted to look like a tourist.

 

Alyssa glanced at her overflowing suitcase.  Typical, she thought, piles of clothes and still nothing to wear.  It wasn't that she was a fashion victim or anything but, you know, a girl likes to look her best on holiday.

 

That reminded her...

 

Alyssa looked at her hand again, it was definitely spreading.  The green had reached her wrist now and she saw that splotches were appearing in other areas as well.  Oh God, she thought as the reality sunk in, I'm going to be green for the holidays. Why can't I just get spots like everyone else?

 

The thought of spending two weeks lying on a beach looking like a demented Kiwifruit might have broken most girls but Alyssa was made of sterner stuff.  This was no time for panic; the situation required immediate action and Alyssa knew just what to do. 

 

She reached for the phone.

 

‘Jen...' she gasped as soon as her best friend answered

 

‘Oh hi Ali' said Jen. ‘What's up, are you looking forward...?'

 

‘I'm greeeeeeeen' wailed Alyssa, interrupting her friend, her resolve not to panic not surviving past Jen's greeting.

 

There was a long pause at the other end of the line.  This is what they call a pregnant pause, thought Alyssa, meaning it's big and heavy and unlikely to be good news.

 

‘Jen?  Did you hear me? I said I'm green.'

 

There was a slightly longer pause. We must be well into the final trimester by now, thought Alyssa, silently willing her friend to answer. 

 

‘When you say green...?' Offered Jen eventually.

 

‘I mean green.  Green as in trees, green as in grass, green as in Kermit doesn't find it easy being green.' 

 

‘But...how?' 

 

‘I don't knoooow' said Alyssa, worried that the whine was back in her voice.  ‘I think something has gone wrong with the fake tan.'

 

‘I see...' said Jen.

 

 ‘Well...' said Jen.

 

‘Ummmm...' said Jen.

 

Fat lot of help you're being, thought Alyssa. ‘What am I going to do?' She asked her rapidly becoming not so best friend.

 

‘You're still going to come to Ibiza aren't you?' asked Jen. ‘I mean it might wash off or something.'

 

Of course, thought Alyssa, how could I be so stupid? Of course it's going to wash off.

 

‘Good idea Jen, I knew I could rely on you.  I'm going to jump in the shower and wash this off and then I'll call you right back.'  Alyssa hung up the phone feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.  She had been silly to let herself get so worried over nothing.  It wasn't like she was really going to end up being green.   

 

She quickly stripped off and, steeling herself, risked a quick peek in her bedroom mirror.  Looking at her naked reflection was not Alyssa's favourite pastime, If only my bum were the biggest problem here, she sighed as she ran her gaze over herself.  The green had spread rapidly while she was on the phone; great patches had joined together to form stripes, making her look like a bizarre alien tiger.

 

She dragged her gaze away from the image in the mirror and hopped into her shower.  Right, she thought, I'm going to close my eyes and scrub myself all over and when I open them all the green will be gone and then I will ring Jen and we will laugh about this. 

 

With her eyes squeezed tightly shut she groped around for the loofah, applied a healthy dollop of shower gel, and started to wash.  She attacked the job with a mixture of grim determination and shaky optimism.

 

When Alyssa had finished she found that she lacked the courage to open her eyes just yet.  Instead she kept them closed while she dried herself carefully and fumbled her way back into her bedroom.  When she was sure she was in front of her mirror she dropped her towel, offered a quick prayer, and opened her eyes.

 

Oh, she thought.

 

Not good, she thought.

 

‘Damn, now I REALLY don't have anything to wear!'