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By duskyebonywings
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03 October 2007 |
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A memoir of the dawn
A parking lot late at night
Dimly glowing with streetlights
We stalled the car you opened the door
You offered your hand as we took to the floor
We danced with no music we danced till dawn
Our lives, our dreams, the future born
We danced our breath, the past away
Dancing till the break of day
Then we collapsed and you said “don’t speak”
We watched the sunrise reach it’s peak
Your eyes were soft we felt so calm
The world could not reach me in your arms
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Too True
Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 3rd October 2007 | | I really loved your poem and laughed out loud. I thought of you dancing the night away in a parking lot but with no music. Why didn't you turn on the car radio? I guess your feet felt overused by the morning too. Good one! |
Written by duskyebonywings (5 comments posted) 3rd October 2007 | | THanks for your comments and opinions on both my pieces! Why was there no music? Because my car's so retro it doesn't even have a radio, sigh :P! | I love the title
Written by Keller (19 comments posted) 4th October 2007 | It's always so hard to write about happy times and being in love without falling into cliche, so I think your title is wonderful (at least, that's my interpretation of it!)
There's something in the rhyme which makes this piece have a very dreamy feel, as if it were filmed in soft focus. Lovely rhythm and flowing feeling brought along by the rhyme scheme.
Like it. |
Written by duskyebonywings (5 comments posted) 4th October 2007 | Thanks for your comments Keller! :D yes, (to the title) your interpretation was indeed what I was heading for =) .
I liked your reference to it feeling as if it were filmed in soft focus. I got the same feeling actually when writing it...=) |
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 5th October 2007 | | excellent |
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