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Poetry
The Screaming Monitor
By duskyebonywings
03 October 2007
Last thoughts streamlined through, pulse is spiking we’re in withdrawal
"I want to live I'm too young for this" time is fickle we’re going down
And all our discussion suddenly seem pointless and the things that mattered come to light
The love and the laughter the passion and friendship
My hand brushes yours
You smile through your tears
The monitor groans my hearts out of control
And now you’re sobbing
I can't go on
I open my mouth to tell you to tell you.....
The things I never told you my eyes cloud with tears
I blink hard and they fall each one has a voice
Did I tell you I love you all the little things
Did I tell you you’re the most amazing person I've ever been
- With or without you you always remain
Can I meet you meet you meet you again can I be yours, you’re still my best friend
Did I make you happy do you count it worthwhile
I lie there and wonder helpless as a child
A minute left I can barely breathe
I remember when you first stole my breath away
And I was yours irrevocably
I touched your hair and held you tight
And breathed you in we made each other smile
Remember me when I'm gone
Remember me but don't stay in black too long
Live your life we’re young you’re free
Love again the way you loved me
I'll smile at you from wherever I am
When you were happy I was too
I have to leave now I'm being pulled
I see your face, so alone and small
I wish I could protect you, protect you still
My hand falls limp a hysterical cry, to the tune of the machines relaying their message
 Another one's dead will they remember
I love I loved we loved together

Reviews
Oh Dear
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 3rd October 2007
From the cheery last poem comes a load of sadness. The length of the lines (especially the third from the end) and the fact that there's no punctuation and no clearly defined verses was too much for me. Sorry, this was not for me.
Fantastic!
Written by Keller (19 comments posted) 4th October 2007
OMG - the passion and feeling that has been poured into this piece is beyond words. The line breaks at the end could do with tidying up as I was enjoying the increase in momentum that you had going there. 
 
You have an amzing way of writing about love that doesn't give in to cliche, but is still universal and totally understandable and accessible - what a talent that is - hold on to that. 
 
Some people struggle with poetry which doesn't have a 'traditional' structure, but screw them - I imagine that if you read this out in front of an audience, there would be barely a dry eye in the house. 
 
Bring us more!

Written by duskyebonywings (5 comments posted) 4th October 2007
Thanks Keller! =) Yes, I've just noticed that something went wrong at the end there with the lines....I should try to sort that out, wait for inspiration to hit, that kind of thing =) . Thanks for the compliments, it's always nice to be encouraged as well as critiqued!

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