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Shorts
Thicker than Water
By Keller
04 October 2007
This a a 300 word piece of micro-fiction written for a competition.  I've barely written micro-fiction before, so it may be a stab in the dark.

Any comments would be appreciated - thanks!

The masked faces of the Pathmaker Alliance watched the city below them crackle and spit with flame.  Anarchy had been crowned ruler, and they had brought about its coronation.  The warriors’ silence had finally been broken, and their voices lit up the night sky with a wash of death.
‘Move’ whispered Striker, and the troupe took off as one.  Their cat-like motion carried them swiftly across rooftops towards the sanctuary of the Emerald Hall.


‘You’ve taken a battle and transformed it into war.’  cried Farbeem ‘No one is safe, and you have brought death to their homes and families.’
‘You taught me to kill!’ Striker spat back.
‘I taught you to defend yourself.  To protect those you love.  And you loved this city once, and swore to protect all’ who lived in it.’
‘You know I honour that promise,’ Striker whispered, instinctively reaching for the medallion that hung heavy with the weight of vengeance.  ‘That promise forms the very foundation of the Alliance.’
Any reply was silenced by the entrance of Loneblade, one of the most infamous, deadly and volatile members of the troupe.
‘The Pathmakers are trained assassins.’  Loneblade proudly stated.  ‘Trained by you and bought by anyone who can afford us.’
‘Bought?’  Farbeem braved, ‘Then how are you any different from the lives you are trying to liberate?  Every woman in the city has been forced into slavery or hiding.  Striker, your sisters…’
Striker moved in a second, placing two hands around Farbeem’s neck.  ‘I never forget my sisters, or that I would still be with them if it wasn’t for you.  But I will sacrifice a million male lives to free them and allow this child inside me to live without fear.’
‘Then war it is.’  Loneblade smiled, ‘Time for a brand new dose of women’s liberation.’

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 4th October 2007
I've not heard of the term micro fiction, sounds like computer plug-in and I've never tried writing barely but each to their own [you wouldn't do it if you owned a cat] 
 
I thougth this was too vast a theme for such a short piece. It had an epic feel to it . 
I had just about orientated myself in it and it ended [albeit with a good twist]. 
It's not really my genre but I thought you handled it well and I was relieved to see you were restrained with the dialogue which was sharp and full of subtext. It's usually the dialogue in this type of story that puts me off so you score highly there. 
In such a short piece the context must suffer and there isn't really enough to engage me in the story but it certainly caught my interest 
cheers 
Jane

Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 5th October 2007
Great atmosphere. Good twist. I enjoyed it

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 6th October 2007
The problem with reviewing late is that Jane has normally been there before me - and I usually agree with her. 
 
To save repetition, what Jane said. 
 
Phil.

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