Hi everyone! This is my first attempt so I would like to give you all a little background. This is the first in what will hopefully be a series of short children's stories about my two cats, Murray and Solomon. I've been wanting to write for such a long time, and have only just realised that these two loveable monsters are the best inspiration anyone could wish for! Most of what's written is based on true events (save for a small amount of poetic licence) - please feel free to offer any advice.
Caroline xCx
Murray & Solomon Chapter 1 – Murray’s Little Brother
Murray was a very contented cat. He lived in a house with two people, a man called Fraser and a lady called Caroline, and he had everything he could wish for. Before he lived here, Murray had been a stray for as long as he could remember, until a kind lady from a cats’ rescue centre found him one day, alone and frightened in the cold, and took him in. Then she set about the business of finding a loving home for him. Murray had been so proud when Caroline and Fraser came to the rescue centre and chose him to come and live with them, that he had barely stopped purring since!
Now he spent his days snoozing in the window, or on the sofa, or anywhere he could curl up in peace and dream the days away. Caroline and Fraser loved him very much. Murray enjoyed sitting on Caroline’s lap and having his head rubbed, and running into the kitchen to eat the delicious food that Fraser always laid out for him. It was such a relief for him, after the life he had spent alone outside.
One day, Caroline and Fraser had a surprise for Murray. Earlier that day, he had noticed Fraser getting the carry-box out of the attic, and at first was worried that maybe he had a visit to the vet coming up. Then Caroline and Fraser went out, taking the box with them, and Murray was so pleased that he didn’t have to go to the vet that he had an extra-long sleep to celebrate.
He woke up later when he heard Caroline and Fraser opening the front door.
“Oh good,” yawned Murray, stretching, “that means it must be time for my dinner.” He walked out into the hall to see Fraser setting the carry box down on the floor.
“Murray, we have a present for you!” said Caroline, bending down and patting Murray’s head. Murray meowed with pleasure. A present! What was it? A new bed, perhaps? Some new brand of cat food?
Suddenly, Murray heard a strange mewling sound coming out of the cat box. He looked with uncertainty, first at Caroline, then at Fraser. Cautiously he edged over to the carrier and peeked through the bars. There, curled up inside, was a little black cat, looking very frightened!
“This is Solomon,” said Fraser warmly, “and he’s your new little brother! Why don’t you say hello?”
Murray couldn’t believe it. Another cat! In his house! How dare they? He looked again at the pathetic little creature inside the cat box. Solomon looked straight back at him and blinked.
“H..he..hello, Murray,” said Solomon nervously, “I hope we can be... friends.”
Murray said nothing but stared at the new addition to the family in horror and disbelief. What did this mean? That he would have to share his food and his sleeping spots? No, no, this would never do! Murray arched his back, hissed loudly and stalked away, sulking.
“Oh dear!” cried Caroline, “Murray doesn’t like him! I’d really hoped they would get along!”
Fraser put his arm around her.
“I’m sure they will in time. Murray will just have to get used to Solomon.”
Hearing this, Murray bristled with anger. Why should he have to get used to it? This was his house, after all! He watched from the other side of the room as Caroline gently lifted Solomon out of the carrier. Caroline was cuddling and petting the creature. It seemed she loved Solomon almost as much as she loved Murray! The insulted cat turned his back and stuck his nose in the air indignantly. This wasn’t fair. Not fair at all.
Solomon, meanwhile, was watching bigger cat with awe.
“He’s so handsome and strong!” thought Solomon to himself, “I do hope one day I can be just like him!”
Later on, after Caroline and Fraser had shown Solomon around his new home, the young cat decided it was time to approach his big brother. Murray was still sulking, hiding in the bedroom upstairs where no-one would bother him, when Solomon walked into the room.
“Murray...” began Solomon slowly. Murray stood up quickly and snarled.
“What do you want?” he snapped. Solomon took a few steps backwards and cleared his throat.
“Well, I thought...” he started to say.
“You thought nothing,” hissed Murray threateningly, “Now get out of my sight!”
Solomon’s tail drooped. He decided against saying anything else. This wasn’t a very nice place for him! He liked Caroline and Fraser – they seemed very kind – but he wished Murray would be kind, too. As he crept out of the room, Murray stared after him, a million thoughts running through his head.
Meanwhile, Fraser and Caroline were downstairs discussing what to do.
“Maybe Murray thinks we don’t love him anymore,” said Caroline sadly.
“Then why don’t you go upstairs and see that he’s alright?” suggested Fraser, “He needs to realise that Solomon is not a threat.”
So Caroline made her way upstairs and into the bedroom to find Murray. As she entered, Murray turned away from her. Caroline sat down on the bed and reached out her hand.
“Come here, boy,” she said gently. Murray stayed right where he was and stared at her. He did like being stroked by her, but did she deserve it? After bringing that... that thing into his home? Caroline spoke again.
“You’re a very special cat, Murray,” she began, “Do you remember how frightened you were when we first took you in? In a strange house, not knowing what would happen to you?”
Murray did remember, and knew that it was true – he had been nervous and a bit scared. But that wasn’t the point! He moved a little bit closer to Caroline’s hand.
“Solomon is only a baby,” she went on, “it’s up to you to look after him and teach him the things you know.”
All of a sudden, Murray felt quite proud and grown-up. Perhaps he could teach Solomon a thing or too, and make sure he grew into a good cat, like him. Well, not as good as Murray himself, obviously – that would be impossible! As long as the new cat didn’t steal Murray’s food, or his favourite sleeping places. One thing was certain; if Solomon tried any of that nonsense, Murray could soon show him who was in charge around here!
Murray eventually gave in – he couldn’t stay angry at Caroline for long – and jumped onto her lap, allowing her to tickle his chin and ears. He nudged her with this head to say sorry, then decided it was time to find Solomon and talk to him. As he leapt down he looked back at Caroline, and she smiled.
“Good boy, Murray,” she said.
Murray wandered out of the bedroom. He wondered where Solomon could be, and then he remembered that when he first came here, he liked the bathroom, as it was a small room where he could get used to the strange sounds and scents of the house without being disturbed. And sure enough, little Solomon was sitting under the sink, feeling very miserable. When Murray walked into the bathroom, Solomon cowered, afraid that Murray would want to fight him. He couldn’t believe it when Murray sat down and spoke in a very apologetic voice.
“I’m very sorry, Solomon. I shouldn’t have hissed at you. Why don’t you come out of the bathroom and I’ll show you around the rest of the house?”
“Really?” gasped Solomon, his eyes wide with astonishment, “You want to play, with me?”
“A-hem,” Murray replied sternly, “I never said anything about playing. I am simply offering you the courtesy of...” He wasn’t able to finish his sentence, because Solomon jumped on him with all his might!
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” cried Solomon happily, “We’ll be the best of friends and share absolutely everything! And we can play together and eat together and sleep together! And I will be the best little brother anyone ever had! What game can we play first? Ooh, I know one! Murray? Murray! Where are you going? Is this a game?”
Murray had left the room, wondering what on earth he had just let himself in for...
C. Garlick, Thursday, 4th October 2007 ©
|
Hi Caroline, Written by audrie (475 comments posted) 9th October 2007 |
I think this is a lovely story and children will love it. They know how perverse cats can be. For a first attempt this is good. Are you going to have all sorts of adventures with Solomon and Murray? They could get up to all sorts of tricks. Well done. |
Hi Caroline Written by gshelme (152 comments posted) 9th October 2007 |
I enjoyed this,I especially liked the last bit when Solomon excitedly jumped on Murray, you captured the moment well. Agree with Audrie you could do lots of follow ups to this. Gill |
Hello Caroline Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 9th October 2007 |
| Hello Caroline and welcome to the children's section of Great Writing. I agree with the others. For your first attempt at storytelling, this is really good and I know that children will love it, because ask any child what subject they like for a story and 7 out of 10 will say "animals" - but the others like dinosaurs and monsters, believe me. Congratulations on your good typewriting and good English. I think the English, in particular, is so important when you write for small children because they are learning to read and teachers come to this website to look for material for their classes. |
Thank you! Written by CFG1985 (7 comments posted) 9th October 2007 |
I'm so overwhelmed by all these lovely comments, thank you so much! I do have a couple more stories in the Murray & Solomon series, I just didn't want to post them all at once and risk annoying everyone. I've had Murray for almost two years, and Solomon for just over one, and it wasn't until last week I realised their distinct personalities would make for great children's stories. If only they knew! |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 9th October 2007 |
I really enjoyed this .I thought the style of it was pitch purrrfect [sorry] When writing for children you have a thin line between being too twee and condescending and going over their heads.I think you got it about right, in a clear unfussy way that concentrates on the narrative. I thought the subtext in this was it's biggest asset and I'm sure the kids would get it easily. It's a lovely way to tell of sibling rivalry when a new baby comes into the house causing resentment from the older child. I'm sure there are many kids who would identify with it. I liked the way you gave us insight into how both sides feel,especially when the younger "cat" is hiding in under the sink and the older when knows he will be there because that is where he went. It's almost like an updated fable with it's clever message and it was put across with the lightest touch with no heavy-handed moralising.Idid think the older cats epiphany came a little too easily if you want to make the sub story believable for kids to take in. But I loved the ending which was cheerily open ended eschewing that "Hollywood glow" keeping it all credible. You could have a whole series of stories with the cats dealing with other domestic problems. I'm sure they would be popular with teachers and parents cheers Jane |
Written by Merioneth (137 comments posted) 16th April 2008 |
I think this is a great premise for a series of children's stories. It has lots of potential for teaching them about getting along with others, sibling rivalry, respecting and learning from your elders, ect. You also did a good job of writing it clearly and simply so children can understand and relate. Good work! ~Merioneth |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.