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Poetry


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Gentle sword

By Fledermaus

12 October 2007

An observation.

Shiny steel in her small hand
She hesitates
He takes her sword-hand gently
He steers her arm

The cold blade cuts through the air
The tassels wave
Two people fight with one sword
What a couple

Is he teaching her or flirting?
This combat dance
Both training and romance
As in a film

Reviews

Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 12th October 2007

A interesting piece, I liked it.

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 12th October 2007

Thanks maipenrai. It was in the sports centre. I found it hard not to constantly look at them, for it was great to see.

Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 12th October 2007

Well observed land painted in words.

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 12th October 2007

I liked this Fledermaus, but felt that last line brought it down to earth with a bit of a bump. A little off subject and not sure it says to me what you intended. The rest paints a balletic picture.

Phil.

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 13th October 2007

Thanks Josie and Phil.
I'll try to think of a better last line

Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 13th October 2007

Agree with Phil about the last line - does it need to be there at all? The rest is delightful.

Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 13th October 2007

I suppose you could say, for the last line:

Will it have an epee ending!!

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 14th October 2007

Thanks fellpony and audrie. An epic ending? LOL. I guess they were a couple already, for the way he touched her was just too gentle and too confident to be otherwise.

Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 15th October 2007

Epic? No epee, a fencing sword!

Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 18th October 2007

Thanks Audrie,
Ah yes, an epee. But this wasn't about (Western) fencing actually. Rather think of taiqi and kungfu

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