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| Larry who? | |
| By BrianRobertNeal | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13 October 2007 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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This is pure fiction. I wondered what it must be like to find that when your comedy-duo partner died that you had been no more the than the rear end of the Pantomime Horse. The ageing comedian looked across at the young reporter who was sat on the opposite side of the kitchen breakfast bar. He started the conversation, "Thank you for coming to see me, I don't get much attention from the press nowadays other than when somebody dies and they need a "quote". Well, who would have thought that two sixteen year old working class boys would by their thirties have become “Household Names”? Our Christmas shows set new records for variety TV viewing figures. The public loved us. No, correction, they all loved him. That is of course Harry Hedge. Me, Larry Lane, was just his foil. When he died, that was the end of the act. Nobody came knocking at my door. The Christmas following his death there was no new Show for they merely patched together clips from our previous extravaganzas. All of our shows are endlessly recycled on Cable TV and the royalties keep me a very rich man. But it could have been so different. Harry Hedge, actually Benjamin Goldman and me had been at an audition. I was an impersonator. I did all the “child prodigies” e.g. Shirley Temple, Mickey Rooney, Judie Garland etc and some of the adult heroes, John Wayne, Laurence Olivier and so on. However Benjamin was told that he would have to come to another audition as they were running out of time and would have to stop with me. Mrs Goldman said that we were a double act and the funniest thing she had ever seen. So we were pushed out onto the stage. I started my normal act; Benjamin ad-libbed and got all the laughs. I was getting more and more angry as the act proceeded and at the end turned and threw a punch at him. I missed but down he went and lay on his back as though unconscious. The Impresario said that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Book them for a season at Maplins. Though we had our “ups and downs” as an act we finally hit the top spot. We started as equal parties and were seen as the new Laurel and Hardy but slowly Harry came out on top. Our PR showed us as being bosom buddies but in reality we disliked each other immensely. We only met during rehearsals and shows. Whereas I would go out for a drink with the “team” he would go off home. Despite this his publicity machine created a sociable loveable rogue image that was far from the truth. I had lots of contacts in the variety world and when Tommy Cooper was struck down and couldn’t do a Charity Show, I was asked if I’d take the job on. I said yes. I found out later that they’d asked many before me, including Harry and they’d all said “no can do”. I had the MC announce me as “The great Tommy Cooper’s little brother”. I came out in all the gear, Fez, ill fitting suit etc and started Tommy’s act. Tom was in the audience having signed himself out of hospital. I was half way through the first act, when looking at Tom, who was killing himself with laughter, I decided to ask if there was anyone in the audience who owned a Fez. Tom got up and came onto the stage. It was wonderful, each corpsed the other and it was just the most delightful experience for me, Tommy and the audience. At the interval I asked Tom if he would like me to stand down. He’d said no, it’s going well why don’t you ditch that repulsive partner of yours and pair up with me? We’ll be billed as Larry and Tommy cos Tommy and Larry is cumbersome. What he was really saying was that it would be "equal billing" and "we" would be the star. Unfortunately Tom passed away a few weeks later and that was that. At his wake, his widow asked me to do my Tommy act for he’d loved working with me and had been looking forward to a new direction in his career. I gave it my best. The act went down well. I capped it all by bursting into tears and telling the mourners that the happiest moment in my career was when I was on stage with Tom. It saddens me to think what might have been. When Harry died, I refused to give any comments saying that I was too upset and would rather keep my own counsel. I did not attend the funeral claiming that ill health prevented me from going. So here I am ignored and forgotten. But am I bitter? Am I resentful? I bloody well am. I wish that I’d given Benjamin my audition place and come back the next month or ditched him before we became too famous. Oh by the way, the hair is mine." The reporter smiled politely and asked, "Tell me Larry what was it like to have worked with one of the "Comedy Greats" Brian Robert Neal 2007
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