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Poetry


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TGI13 series (three parts of the 13)

By Matthiasrising

14 October 2007

These are three of the 13 of the newest series of poetry I am writing.

Gallery

Lead brick in the bowl.
Thought it would relieve me.
Thought it would make me whole.
Just made me see what I am;
Just saw an empty vessel,
Purged of value in the mirror.
Take a picture, make nothing.
Art is pure and clean
All encompassing space.
Acid drips down the vase,
Pours out through the bottom.
Rain dissolved statue;
Industrial waste beauty.
Copper green residue on the handle.
Watch me rust away.

Coagulate

I sit by the quiet stream,
Play in the tinged water,
Cough loudly to myself.
Mystic spoke sayings in my head
Told me things to try.
Always have an open mind,
But never look him in the eye.
The air is dry and still;
The rain has all gone away;
The stream is drying.
Wretched coagulum.
Damned mystic shouting
Go to bed.
Always have an open mind,
But never look him in the eye.

Semi-gloss finish

Sleepy by the window,
Caught myself again,
Breathing my own silence,
Looking for a friend.
Spilled it on the carpet,
Staining vibrant peace.
Fell down calling after you,
Can’t let you go too far.
Wishing I’m awake now,
Aware of all I am;
Bob under the current
And feel the waves below.
Stinging in my sinus,
Hornet’s loving kiss;
Perfume of a goddess,
I won’t remember this.
Dying on the inside,
Dissolving in my skull,
Praying you won’t leave me,
And my shattered hull.
Husk of what I once was,
Abandoned to this bliss;
Craving more and more of you
And knowing less of me.
I can barely see you now,
Through the well of tears.
You’re just a habit slavedriver,
Bastard bottle blue.

Stifle my noise,
Kill all these senses.
I’ll kill myself, if it kills the habit.
Throw you in the grass.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 14th October 2007

This one (or these three) are not for me. A collection of rhyming notes with rhythm. I did think the staccato style of the first was to reflect looking at different items, but this continued. Perhaps I'm missing something and others will see differently.

Phil.

Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 14th October 2007

I’m not so sure that it was wise to post 3 in 1.
You must now be judged on the value of all three rather than the merits of them as individual pieces.
So what are they about?
Gallery, I guessed, was a defecating man comparing his action to the way that mankind defecates on the planet??? Whilst Coagulate & Semi-gloss made me think about drug use and abuse???????
I felt that although there were some nice phrases, these three pieces were, on the whole, far too opaque, and this causes the reader to meander into ambiguity. However, it is always possible that I have managed to completely miss the message that these poems are attempting to deliver, in which case I shall happily eat a pie that has been lovingly baked by MR. Humble - who does make exceedingly good pies!!

All the best,
Steve.

from these three...
Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 21st November 2007

1)self-examination, 2)drugs & experimenting or straying somehow from what's right, 3) love affair.

I really love this trio because there's definitely a story on there somewhere. Will definitely come back and read them again, perhaps add this this review.

Only criticism clear to me is the line-lengths. The rhythm would survive if you doubled them up; I think currently some of your sentences lose their impact because they're separated into lines.

keep writing

clo

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