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Poetry
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Downtown
By maipenrai
17 October 2007
Downtown tonight is a place
where monsters live,
in the bars and whorehouses,
guns and girls,
but no roses
booze and knifes and
lets rip him up,
broken legs and broken heads,
penny for your thoughts?

so my pretty one
be sure not to go
where the monsters prey,
your not the right colour
to be Downtown tonight.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 17th October 2007
I thought this might have been more effective had it ended after the first part. That says enough for me. Again, paints a picture quickly and effectively. 
 
Phil.

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 18th October 2007
Thanks Phil, agree with you, edit to be done! 
Bernie

Written by man_in_the_box (13 comments posted) 18th October 2007
I like the feeling of it as a friendly piece of advice invoking fear, as if given to a true outsider with no such experience (in this case, the reader). I see what Phil means about ending on 'penny for your thoughts?', but I also enjoyed the sinister, blunt clarity of the final two lines.

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 21st October 2007
thanks for your comments man_in_the_box. 
bernie

Written by Fledermaus (3492 comments posted) 26th October 2007
Good warning. 
In some towns this seems absolutely to be the case. Strange thing is that the number of whorehouses, drug dens or reports of violence don't seem to coincide with my own feeling of safety. I don't mind going out at night in Amsterdam which is notorious for such things, whereas I think Rotterdam by night is rather sinister. 
 
Good poem

Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 27th October 2007
Hi Fledermaus, always liked Amsterdam, used to travel from Hannover and Dusseldorf for long week-ends, never been to Rotterdam, also like Enschede and Arnheim. 
 
this in its original idea was based on living in some African Cities, where as a white it was not the best idea to go down town on a friday night, but it could be anywhere I think 
 
there was a final stanza which I have dropped. 
 
so my pretty one 
be sure not to go 
where the monsters prey, 
your not the right colour 
to be downtown tonight 
 
Thanks Again 
Bernie

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