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Innards

By Keller

19 October 2007

Not really sure how this one was born, it just kind of wrote itself - I just held the pen!

I have performed surgery

on myself, sliced open

my chest;

cracked open my ribs,

and found myself empty

at times.

I know I should be crimson here:

crammed with berries

cased in fleshy pastry.

But on occasion

all I've found is grey ribbon;

strung between my veins

and knotted in my elbows.

And other times,

I have spilled out fibre-glass

which has scratched into my fingers,

and stayed there for days.

Itching.

I daren't rub my eyes anymore.

But recently I find myself less alone.

You've taken up residence in my stomach;

your toes tangled in intestines,

your head laid on a lung.

I can feel your breath on my kidneys

and my liver squeezed between knees,

and I like you being there.
I can smell your hair
and feel your hand inside mine:
your fingers stretching.
Our hearts have fallen in to rhythm;
our arteries confused
have begun to bleed into each other.

I'd been so scared of this all along,
but it's just like breathing.

Reviews

Written by andybyers (171 comments posted) 19th October 2007

Whew, another good one. Something about suffixing "at times" to "and found myself empty" really kicks it to another level. More like sad self-discovery than the obsession it would have implied without the modifier.

The second and third stanzas are wonderfully crafted to convey a double meaning. All at the same time they wed the concepts of a lover, and a pregnancy. This is amazing. I aspire to writing this adeptly... at times.

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 19th October 2007

This is bizarre but in a brilliant and beautiful way (sorry about the alliteration there- wholly unintentional). I love it. You're becoming one of my favourite poets on here.

Minor points about the end of the third stanza- into is one word, and "confused" could do with a comma on either side.

Yes
Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 19th October 2007

I thought this was good, my only very small crit, is 'stomach', you haven't eaten the baby, so think womb
or even tummy might look better. Abdomen is too difficult to fit in.

Written by fellpony (1608 comments posted) 20th October 2007

I have come back twice to read this because it is so powerful and I wanted to understand it better before commenting. I liked, as Andy says, the duality of the imagery in the second stanza - lover or child? it could be either; or both. I was puzzled by some of the imagery in the first stanza, but the second was so good I didn't care.

Written by Keller (19 comments posted) 21st October 2007

This is about a lover, about the feeling of wanting to be so close to them you want to become part of each other, and live inside each other.

I never even thought about the pregnancy theme that people have seen in it, it came as a shock! You never see stuff in your own work that other people see.

I read this piece at a poetry festival today and it went down really well, so thank you all for your kind comments which gave me the courage to choose it as one to read even though it was only written a couple of days ago!!

Written by man_in_the_box (13 comments posted) 30th October 2007

Really liked it. The pregnancy theme is one that crossed my mind during the second stanza, but I certainly felt that it was indeed about a lover. The first stanza conveys a loneliness and longing, and although this could convey the desire for a child, it seems much more conclusive that a partner is the resident. Really liked the nasty, nasty imagery used for something beautiful and warming.

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