Tax on sex

With 98% of the adult population of the UK claiming to enjoy regular sex, Prime Minister, Gordon Brown is proposing a new tax.

Leaks from the Cabinet Office suggest the government is considering a sliding scale of charges. Heavy petting would attract a levy of £2, while full blown, penetrative sex would be taxed at £12 a go. Anyone experiencing a ‘groundshaker’ will be expected to pay £20. Extra-marital sex would be charged at £15 a session, although it is thought that MPs will be exempt from this as part of their special parliamentary privileges.

It is proposed that first time shaggers are taxed at a lower rate to enable them to get onto the nookie ladder and to maintain Britain’s position as world leader in teenage pregnancies.

Opposition sex spokesperson, Anne Widdecomb, (sp?) said: ‘This outrageous tax will only effect the sexually attractive, like myself. Why should we subsidise a quickie round the back of a chippy for the physically challenged?’

Menzes Campbell, ex-leader of the Liberal Democrats, stated that he was in favour of the tax so long as revenues were reinvested in the sex industry.
‘I’d happily slip someone twenty quid for a quicky.’

For once, The Church had little to say. While often asked to comment on matters of a carnal nature, the general synod is waiting for details to be released about how new charges would effect priests.
‘We await confirmation that sex on consecrated ground is to be chargable or not.’ (don't we all)

Sex thresholds are likely to be set quite low so that the new tax will impact on as many people as possible.

The government claim this new tax will raise billions of pounds a year.

Independent tax consultants, Delight when Touched, remain unconvinced.
‘They’ll be lucky to raise an erection, let alone a billion pounds.’