Great Writing - Home > Poetry > New Love Haiku Set
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1660 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
New Love Haiku Set
By Toad
22 October 2007
You let me sing you
songs on the swing set in the
park. We fly, we love.

Like the clouds that give
and take the moon all night, you
breathe me in and out.

Tomorrow I'll make
the coffee, bring the morning
sunshine to your eyes.

Reviews
Second one...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 21st October 2007
... great image !!! 
 
Third , perhaps a bit commonplace. 
 
First one , though not as good as the second , leads in to the sequence well  
 
Well done 
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 22nd October 2007
Much as Patterjack. The second one worked very, very well. It's one of those images you can't just skip over, you need to imagine it. 
 
Phil.

Written by Fledermaus (3492 comments posted) 22nd October 2007
Nice, but they'd be even nicer if you could have the linebreaks at the ends at sentences. Haikus are very rigid, but it would add to the flow. 
Content is sweet :)
I agree
Written by Toad (106 comments posted) 22nd October 2007
that the line breaks could be more effective. I revised the third one, I like it better now. 
 
I'm glad that you all liked the images!
HI Toad
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 9th November 2007
I like all three of these. They give an impression of sweet and happy love.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item