Perhaps this belongs in the 'For Children' section, but I'm not sure.
Just written on-the-flow, not proof-read and I have no clear idea about
the underlying idea ;)
" What's this?"
The green fairy fluttered down and looked at the strange thing with some suspicion.
" Don't touch it. It's evil!", the auburn fairy said.
" It looks pretty though."
" It's ugly."
The auburn fairy jumped off her branch and slowly drifted down on the
wind, until she too landed on the forest floor with a soft thud . She
walked to her friend and gave the strange thing a disgusted look.
" Ugly. evil, evil!"
She took the green fairy by the arm and tried to drag her away from it,
but the green fairy instead stared at the thing and smiled.
" It's not ugly. Look at how it shines in the sunlight. Look how... round it is."
She shrugged off the auburn fairy's hand and began to brush the earth
and dust from the strange thing, which turned out to be round indeed.
It was the same colour as the sun in the morning, as hard as stone, but
so smooth, almost like ice, yet it wasn't cold.
" Let's go back. I'll make you some dew and honey."
" What do you think it is?"
" It's evil. Let it alone. I'll teach you how to talk to the fish."
" It's not evil. It's beautiful. Look. If you look at it from this angle it's almost as if there's a face on it."
" Yes that looks like a face. It's been made by an evil witch and that
is her. You'd better leave it alone, or you'll fall under her spell."
" She doesn't look so scary."
" Let's go. I challenge you. I can fly higher than you."
" You cannot."
" I challenge you."
" You know very well you can't beat me. You just want to get me away..."
The green fairy hesitated and then an expression appeared on her face
the auburn fairy had never seen before. She frowned and her lips became
thin.
" You want me away so you can take this for yourself! That is it, isn't
it? That's why you call it evil and ugly. Because you don't want me to
want it."
The auburn fairy opened her mouth and a tear trembled in her eye, for fairies are easily hurt.
" How... what..."
" Yes, you don't know what to say eh? Because it's true! You want this thing, but I saw it first. It's mine!"
" It... it's the spell that got you."
" Go away! What sort of a friend are you? You can't fly higher than me, you know well enough. Leave me alone."
The auburn fairy grabbed the green fairy's arm again and tried to pull
her away from the strange thing, but the green fairy pushed her away so
she tumbled into the mud.
" I hate you!", she cried.
But at that very moment, the earth trembled, and instead of fighting on, both fairies fled away.
A noisy giant walked towards the place where they had quarreled, bowed forward and picked up the round thing.
" Ah... A penny. It must be my lucky day", he said and put it in his pocket.
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Intruiging Written by William87 (30 comments posted) 23rd October 2007 |
I thought this was very fun to read. I liked how you painted the two fairies. For a moment I thought 'oh it's like lord of the rings sorta' But It's not really. Of course there are similiarities but nothing that bothered me too much. The dialogue was fun and alive I think. Yea, I liked it. I'd like to read more of these fairy tales, if you got any more :P Oh and a good ending too. None of the fairies died, which I thought they would, and I guess they were lucky that stupid giant came by /William |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 23rd October 2007 |
Thanks William. Indeed a bit of Smeagol, but then, that's what money does with people...uh... fairies  |
Written by anorwegianwood (278 comments posted) 23rd October 2007 |
Lord of the Pennies! I like the style of this; it's sweet, but not over-the-top. ~Claire |
Written by tpowell (105 comments posted) 23rd October 2007 |
I really enjoyed this, I agree with the Smeagol reference but money corrupts and something as other-wordly as a fairy would not realise that. Nicely done. Tracey |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 24th October 2007 |
Underlying idea seems pretty clear to me. Well done with it too. As a cautionary tale, this works very well. Phil. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 24th October 2007 |
Thanks Claire, Tracey and Phil. The idea came when I responded to someone's comment and realized that fairies and money don't go well together. Not sure about humans either, but then, they always seem to have to worship something... |
Written by Asferthecat (834 comments posted) 25th October 2007 |
| Very good. A seemingly child-like story with an adult message. Well written, as always. |
Written by Lizzy (793 comments posted) 26th October 2007 |
Yes i agree with what others have said. A nice tale well told. Lizzy |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 26th October 2007 |
Thanks Asferthecat and Lizzy. Still not sure if this should actually be in the 'for children' section or not  |
Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 29th October 2007 |
Sounded a lot like Smeagol / Gollum arguing over the ring, but a good twist at the end. All the best, Steve. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 2nd November 2007 |
Thanks Steve. I wonder how corruptable giants are... |
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 8th November 2007 |
It always amazes me that people start a short story with 'I have not proof read this nor have any idea where it is going' .. I utter under my breath: 'anything else you want to say before putting me totally off?' However this is beautiful and charming. I loved how you created the fairies in our minds. I have to say you had me fooled when you said it was completely round, I was thinking marble having discounted a penny as being flat and round. It did sound very gollum/smeagel but that it resonates is testament to the cool characters. Good stuff, your english here is perfect, with several imaginative flourashes. Do you percieve your capabilities with the language getting stronger? |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 8th November 2007 |
Thanks Johnie. Well, I had to warn people in advance. I usually read things over one time before I post it and still many typos and errors remain. This one I wrote and posted without looking at it. I do think my English improved indeed, although I had to write a lot in English for my studies too (yet academic English is rather simple). The other side of that coin is that I nowadays find it a bit hard to write in Dutch  |
Written by Hellcat (63 comments posted) 4th January 2008 |
Hey there! I'm new here but felt I had to comment on this one. It's absolutely one of my favourite shorts, ever and the underlying message is perfect and well hidden until the end (although I had it sussed early on) "I'll teach you how to speak to the fish" Lol. And despite what the other's say, Smeagol/LotR never came to mind once - I wish people would look a little deeper instead of comparing things to whatever has recently been in the limelight. Good job,man. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 4th January 2008 |
Thank you Hellcat. Yes, money does strange things to people and even to fairies  |
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