To my peroxide blonde with skin so fair.
I really want to sniff your underwear.
 
To my bottle blonde with skin so pale.
With my new lacoste top I surely can't fail.
 
With my stolen Nike trainers worn just to please you.
To you alone I will stay true.
 
I'll get you thick gold chains from Argos to wear.
As long as you promise you'll always be there:
 
When I get back from the boozer and I'm a bit of a sight.
Having drunk to much shandy and got in a fight.
 
Oh my flaxen kappa slapper with trainers fair.
Will you let me get inside your underwear?
 
I'll raise your kids just as my own.
As long as the brats don't scream or moan.
 
In our high rise heaven we'll spawn and do crack.
Watching Trisha on a couch in our flea ridden flat.
 
 You see behind these sports clothes and mean façade.
Deep down inside I'm really not hard.
 
In this body of a man lies a mind of a child.
Having never learnt much and always acted wild.
 
Every chance I've had I've thrown away.
I get picked up by the pigs at least once a day.
 
With a criminal record as long as my arm
I've frightened old women and caused others harm.
 
Its everyone else's fault you see.
Never ever mine, not me.
 
Oh, my peroxide blonde with poodle perm hair.
Stay by my side and always be there.
 
Oh my bottled blonde with skin so fair.
Will you let me get inside your underwear?