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By gutterkitty
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26 October 2007 |
So easy to sleep
in the dip of your lip,
your chin curved in my back.
Fists curled tightly
around an eyelash.
Feet pillowed on a cheek.
The soft, almost-there hair
filling and collapsing
with each dream-light breath.
When I wake
I will smooth each eyelid
with careful hands.
And unfold wrinkles
that have split your forehead
since I last left my footprints on your temple.
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Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 26th October 2007 | I have to confess, I'm at sea with this one. I've returned three times now, had a few ideas, but can't get them to stick.
Loved this:
The soft, almost-there hair
filling and collapsing
with each dream-light breath.
I can almost smell those warm beddy scents.
BTW: sorry I found your previous piece amusing! It made me think of my own mother and her disaproving looks and sayings.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 26th October 2007 | About a pillow? Good one.  If it is, then I liked the metaphors. If it is not, then I don't understand a thing of it. |
Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 26th October 2007 | I too am stumped(???), but it reads well!!!
All the best,
Steve. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 27th October 2007 | Hmm I guess this is one poetic metaphor that didn't quite pan out. To me it's fairly self-explanatory so if it's stumped you guys then I clearly haven't done my job very well. Thanks for attempting to work it out though!
It's OK Phil, everyone reads poems differently, it just made me worry that maybe I hadn't written it very well. But now that I think of it your interpretation is kind of interesting. For me the descriptions of my mother's rules were written with a more tired attitude, but I guess sometimes all you can really do is laugh at that kind of thing. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 27th October 2007 | I meant to say, the piece is supposed to be about finding comfort and rest in a loved one, and trying to offer them the same in return.
Not sure if that helps at all... |
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